I have been tossing around the idea of writing this post for a few days, but a few of my favorite blogs have gone on hiatus as a result of something like this, so I’ve decided to come out with it.
I don’t like to blog about blogging. I like to blog about my life. But a big part of my life has become blogging, the blog community, friends I’ve made in real life as a result of blogging, you get the point.
When I first started blogging, I was writing and never knew if anyone (other than me) would read it. I knew my parents would check it if I told them about it. But I was mostly writing about wedding plans and my life leading up to the wedding. The URL to my former blog was both of our last names at blogspot dot com. The name of the blog was “Erin and Todd.” If you Googled my name, the first thing to come up was that blog. So I’ve never been anonymous.
A few months after I started blogging, people I didn’t know started to read. This thought had never crossed my mind. I just thought we’d have a little couple blog and then a little family blog as our family grew. The readers that I had never met before started to become my friends and the blog grew and grew into something I never imagined. I’m not saying my blog is huge, but I’m saying I’ve come in contact with so many people across the country (and some on the other side of the world) from this and that just blows my mind.
But while there are many strangers that read, there are also a lot of people I know in real life that read. There are a lot of people I know in real life that read my blog. But I don’t know that they read my blog until some time later. I get a random email every so often from an old friend or acquaintance and I hear they’ve been reading my blog for months.
Times like this sometimes make me wish I’d thought about the future of blogging in the beginning and originally created an anonymous blog. I’ve never been able to vent about things that are very personal to me, or complain about a job. I’m not sure how much of that I would do if I wasn’t anonymous, but I am very careful about the things that I say.
I feel like I’ve been really candid about my life in the last year– I gave honest thoughts about pregnancy (and how I don’t love being pregnant) and about having lots of difficulty with labor and delivery and the aftermath. But other than the occasional, “Hudson is really fussy today” you will never hear me say a negative word about my child. I don’t think that makes me dishonest. And I don’t think that means that I look fake or that my life looks like a perfect cake walk. He’s my son and someday he’ll be able to read. I don’t need to vent about my family to the world. I don’t care if other bloggers do it, but these are decisions I’ve made.
I have mentioned that I had difficulty healing after Hudson was born. But just because I’m a blogger, I don’t think I’m required to disclose the full details of those events. I’ve said that if you email me and want to know, I will tell you what happened. But I don’t need my whole town knowing my business– much less all of the interwebs.
As bloggers, and blog readers, we all have a right to decide what we’ll share and what we won’t share. Some blogs are centered around a specific topic. Mine happens to be a hodge podge of my life and things that I’m thinking and things that I’m liking. I choose to keep some parts of our life private. There need to be some things that are sacred only to my family.
cartoon via here
It’s also important to know that many of my “real life friends” don’t know everything there is to know either. Even though I’m a blogger and put my life out there, I am still a private person. Believe it or not.
I feel like there is a standard that has been set for bloggers (by other bloggers, maybe) to provide full disclosure. Where someone vacations, what someone purchases, where someone lives, what their kids wear, what they eat, their political views, the size of their diamond, how they choose to give birth, what they name their child… none of these things are a reason to hound on someone. At the risk of sounding extremely cheesy, I want to point out that bloggers are people, too, and there is a person behind your computer screen that wrote the words that you read. And it is that person’s right to decide what they want to share and what they don’t want to share.
Our blogs are our personal scrapbooks in this age of technology and maybe we just want to point out the highlights so we remember them someday when we’re looking back. Maybe the really bad stuff will never leave our minds so it’s just not great to put it in writing.
Most bloggers, though, blog for themselves. Not for the readers. And sometimes bloggers answer questions from readers and address comments from readers. But for the most part, it’s about whatever they want to talk about.
Here’s my point… we all need to take it easy on people that blog. It’s much easier to blog when no one is reading. It’s hard to put it all out there, so it’s nice to know that you can keep some part of your life to yourself and deal with things in your own way. It’s not secretive, but it’s sacred. There are families and loved ones to protect. Private conversations to have and keep private. Keeping parts of your life private doesn’t make you phony or pretentious. It’s just a choice. And it usually is a choice based on the people we love in our daily lives.
I love sharing my life on this blog. The community has been so wonderful and supportive. I just hate seeing people torn down and lose the joy in blogging.
Here’s to everyone finding the joy in blogging!
{ 2 trackbacks }
{ 120 comments… read them below or add one }
Did you write this for me??? I needed to read this tonight so I feel like it was just for me! Thank you so much for writing this and sharing your thoughts on this. I am in those beginning stages of where other people read what I write so I have been struggling with what to share! Thanks Again and I love your blog!
Great post! Very, very well said! I wish I was more anon often as well. I think we all do!
I agree completely and wholeheartedly. I was in shock after reading comments left on a fellow blogger’s posts. I am amazed at how some people feel they can break down other people. I only recently started getting negative Anon comments, and every single one can really hurt… no matter how strong you are.
Thank you for this post! I really resonate with a lot that you said and think everyone who reads blogs to read this post!
I couldn’t agree with what you’ve said more. I’ve been anxiously awaiting your post after MM’s post a couple of days ago. I wondered how you would address it, and I’m not surprised at all by what you said. You said it all beautifully, and people just need to remember that if they don’t have something nice to say, don’t say it at all! Thank you for your kind words.
“He’s my son and someday he’ll be able to read.” I love that you said this.
Very well written. I agree 100%
“He’s my son and someday he’ll be able to read.” I love that you said this.
Very well written. I agree 100%.
I know I’ve been going through a bit of an identity crisis with my own blog. I’ve been struggling with whether or not to remove personal stories about my life from it. I started it for myself during wedding planning and was able to write freely for a while but now there are expectations and readers and pressure. I do still LOVE blogging but it’s gotten to be a little stressful. And when i voiced these feelings on my blog i got plenty of wonderful reassuring responses, but others that kind of tore me down. I definitely think that there are alot of readers/commenters who make snarky and mean comments. It’s so sad to think that people spend their time trying to hurt someone they don’t even know. this post really struck a chord with me tonight just because of all that is going on with my own blog- thanks for sharing your feelings.
Yep, yep, yep.
Amen and Amen! I couldn’t have said it better. WOOO HOOO for ERIN!
Very well said, my friend! Lots and lots of great points. Everyone needs to remember to bring their real-life manners into Blogland when they enter. A blog is online journal, no matter what the subject, it’s not a 24-hour live home feed… like Big Brother. I love blogging and I know I’m not alone – we must fight together to keep it a fun & enjoyable place to write & network! I’m beyond blessed with the amount of wonderful people I’ve met all because of blogging. It’s a beautiful thing! xxox
Well said! Online transparency is definitely an issue in an all-too-transparent world, and I’ve struggled with blogging because of this. Great post.
Very well said! Just when I think I’ve recovered from something snarky, I stumble across something new that eats me up all over again. And I’m a relative nobody who got one big link. It’s atrocious the things people will say about a blog they’ve read for 2 minutes, and it’s even worse the things they say about a blog they’ve read (and presumably enjoyed or they would have stopped reading) for two years. It’s not just a blog. It’s a person and their life, and just a slice of life at that. I love what Fly Through My Window says, “I will also remind you this a BLOG, this is NOT a full real life account, but merely a tiny glimpse into our life. We don’t sit around craft, bake and smile for pictures all day long.”
I have really strict boundaries about what I will and will not post online. It’s called the world wide web for a reason and once it’s there (even if deleted) it is archived forever and can be accessed by anybody. While I believe in being transparent, I also believe in not throwing pearls to swine. While some argue that they’re just putting it out on the table, I argue that sometimes it should be a table for two, not a buffet line where anyone can pick and choose what they want from your life out of context.
I love this post. I am sad that many of my favorite bloggers have been going private or shutting down completely. Well said. I am glad you are sticking around
I am one of the strangers who has been reading your blog for awhile and haven’t commented too often (only because I’m not a big blog commenter on the whole), but I have read a few different posts around the interwebs that are similar to yours here and I am always struck by the fact that I just can’t believe people have the nerve to write negative comments on someone else’s personal blog. If you aren’t enjoying what you are reading or seeing on a particular blog, why not just move on? Why is there the need to let someone know that you are disappointed? I’m glad to see your post here and I want to say that I love reading your blog because it is upbeat, happy, and filled with great stuff. I hope you keep it up and all the negative nellies stay away!
I can totally understand your perspective on this. My blog doesn’t really have regular commentors so I cant fully understand yet. It is a hard balance between putting yourself out there and retaining your family’s intrgrity and privacy.
Don’t let the Negative Nancy types get ya down!
Very well said.
I couldn’t have said it better myself.
I’m always amazed with people who feel you owe them a story or details of your life just because you blog publicly.
Fortunately, for that one downer there is always a handful of supportive bloggers.
You put this really well. I dread that first negative comment! I don’t get why someone would bother to comment negatively on a blog they’ve hardly read, or would presume to know enough about the blogger to think they should comment negatively on a long-time read. Offer kind advice or empathy? Yes. Judge a person you’ve never met and have only seen a small glimpse of? No way. One of the things I enjoy about Blogland is that it’s a great way to “meet” people who are completely different than me and get an idea of what makes them tick. Even if I don’t agree with those people on every issue they write about, I find myself liking them and the new perspective they offer.
Amen, sister. Thanks for putting this out there.
It’s such a struggle, isn’t it, walking that fine line between sharing and sharing too much? It’s a worthwhile one for me, given all of the good Invisible Internet Friends like you & others I’ve e-met (in addition to the other stuff about blogging I love), but the trolls out there do make me want to hang it up at times.
I hate to sound a “can’t we all just get along?” call, but – well, drawing the privacy line is such an individual thing. There is no one right answer for us all. If people don’t like the way one blogger is handling the issue, I wonder why they don’t just move along to a more “full disclosure” one without harassing the other …
Very well said Erin. You absolutely have the right to your privacy and we understand that you have a private life you don’t blog about, that’s okay! We support you 100%
AMEN! Very well said. It makes it much easier for me to blog when I don’t think about the people reading. It’s just great therapy, even if it’s frivolous. But it’s hard putting it all out there when a lot of people are reading, and enivitably judging. When MM went on hiatus, I really started considering this all. Please, never let the jealous haters get you down! Do this for yourself, for your family, exactly how you want, and how you will be proud of for years to come. Love love!
I too agree 100%. I don’t understand why if someone chooses to lay it all out there or if they decide to be 100% anonymous, why that should upset people. I’ve said it time and time again, if you don’t like what you’re reading than move on. It’s just like changing the TV channel. The reality is that we do have to be careful what we put there for a lot reasons. Personal safety, our career etc.
Very well written.
Amen!
I completely agree! Thank you for writing this.
Wonderful Post! I have gotta a hard time about not disclosing my name and more details about my work, etc. People need to appreciate that the person behind the blog, is an actual person. Thanks for the great reminder. I’m sad for those that have had to experience the bad side of blogging.
Oh Erin, I am so sorry that you have had a negative response to your blogging. Your blog is one of the highlights of my day. I am in a new town with all new people. I don’t get out much with the baby so blogging keeps me sane and connected.As far as being fake, I can assure that every magazine picture has been styled and staged. Blogging is like a magazine version of our lives. If I wanted to see your messes and laundry piles then I would look around my own home. Just keeping it real.:0 Ps There are some blogs that I read for the more humorous versions of life such as kids flushing cell phones ,etc.
wow! i guess because i blog primarily to let people know what is new with my web store i had no idea that people were so pushy about wanting to delve into a bloggers personal life. its your blog with the info you want to share…nothing more nothing less. i hate that you (and others) feel pressured to share the nitty gritty details by (most often) strangers. i think you’ve got a great thing going here, i hope it remains fun and a way for you to share the happy moments, things you like, and details you feel comfortable sharing.
Great post, Erin! I think that there are a lot of people who need to hear this.
Nicely put, and perfectly timed. xo
I just found your blog today, and I LOVE it!
I’ll be back for sure!
I’ve been blogging for about six months and have been pleasantly surprised and excited to meet so many “strangers” through the blog community. Like you, I sometimes wish I could go back and make everything anonymous… oh well! Your post today helped me to flesh out my thoughts about what to share and what to savor.
E
It’s such a fine line to walk- I had vented something about my irritations with an unnamed friend. I did not know people I know were reading it, but they let me know and I removed the post. However, that was the end of the blog being my journal, which was sad. Now I have to watch myself much closer (probably a good thing though!).
Anyway, I don’t know why some people feel the need to attack others. There’s plenty of blogs that I don’t particularly care for, but I’m not going to riddle them with anonymous ugly comments and questions. Of course, I’m not an internet troll (thank goodness).
I’ve been struggling with this lately as well. I’ve been wanting to find someone that will not only help me with a new template, but also help me change my blog address so that it’s more private. I’m also thinking about coming up with a new “alias” for my characters just for privacy sake. I don’t mind people reading but I don’t want to have it get to a point where I just don’t feel comforatble anymore, you know?
I totally agree with this post, however! It was really well said and truly the voice of a lot of bloggers!
Great post! I completly agree with you! I havn’t had to deal with any negative comments/attacks on my blog yet but having seen other bloggers get just torn apart. It’s sad the lack of respect some people have.
Erin, this was a wonder post. I, much like you, will never say a bad word about my child on my blog. My little boy can scream in my face all day and you will never see me write a bad or even frustrated post about him because i still love him with more than all my heart and would never want him to look back and read a post about, what would sound like, my negative feelings towards him. There is one well-known blogger that i follow that seems to only write about the negative aspects of her experiences with motherhood so far and to be honest, as a reader, it only feels like a cry to attention. I doubt she thinks, or even cares, that one day that sweet little boy will read what she says.
I think many followers feel as though some bloggers, yourself included who has many avid followers, are almost like celebrities where people feel entitled to know everything about their life and their every move. It is awful how quickly outsiders can break down privacy walls.
I wish you the best of luck with the future of your blog. Write about what you want to look back on and remember. Write for yourself and no one else because in the end you and your family are what really matter.
I have two blogs for this very reason. One blog is for my friends and family to catch up with my life. The other blog (Mrs. MidAtlantic) is a place where I can air all my dirty laundry. I started it when Baby Fever hit, and I needed a place to vent. I don’t know what I would do without my anonymous blog!
Such a timely topic! I think we all struggle with how much to put out there (I know I do) and can’t understand why some people feel it’s their right to know everything about us. I haven’t had to deal with any negativity personally (thank goodness!) but know a few that have and just don’t see what those negative commenters are hoping to accomplish. I especially don’t understand why there are folks out there that expect to know everything about those that blog. In fact, there was a comment I read recently that compared the blogger to a celebrity. While that’s flattering I don’t think any of us expected random people we don’t know to read our blogs and never imagined some of them would demand to know details that even those closest to us don’t know.
My heart goes out to all the bloggers that have been overwhelmed with negativity and I hope the future of blogging doesn’t include cyberbullying.
Brilliant post, Erin. I’m still just slack-jawed by all the venom that has been spreading through people’s comments, e-mails, and Formspring questions lately… The level of attack that some bloggers have been putting up with really infuriates me. thank you for defending the “blogger’s side” of the fence in such a well-articulated and thoughtful way.
xoxo,
Lulu
Amen! I think it is so strange that people who like to read people’s blogs then all of a sudden have these demands about what that blog should be about or what the blogger should do differently. i mean when you turn on Oprah in the afternoon if you don’t like what she has to say or don’t like the subject/guest for the day you turn it off or stop watching completely. It’s ridiculous that someone should think that Oprah would take their advice about what they wanted to see or not see on the blog. Oprah does her own thing and she says if you don’t like it then turn off the TV, i think the same thing about people’s blogs. If you don’t like what you read, then don’t read it, find a blog that you DO like to read! i think that what you said today was great! we blog because we like to and we get to set the tone and purpose of our blog.
How admirable of you to step up and protect the ones you love. There is far too much in today’s society that points to “share it all, or say nothing.” Look at Kate and Jon! It ruined their marriage and family. Your life is yours, as you said. You have a right to keep personal what you desire and share what you want. No one should judge how you live or what you do. Thank you for standing up and supporting the blogging community-as readers, we are NOT entitled to demand to know everything about you-sometimes we need to be reminded of that. Thank you!
I think the anonymity of the internet gives people courage that they never have in real life. The rude (downright hateful) comments I’ve seen on people’s blogs just wouldn’t happen in real life. It’s so sad that people feel the need to cut others down. It just proves how unhappy they are in their lives; however, that’s small consolation when a zinger is aimed directly at you! Also, it’s kind of the same reason people take pot shots at celebrities, I think–when you are “out there”, people think you’re fair game for their judgments, criticisms, advice.
I think the main reason people want bloggers to share all of the details of their lives, truly, is people in general are so desperate for personal connections. In this age of technology where we are all seemingly more connected than ever, we really are more isolated in all of the important ways. Reading the details of someone else’s life helps people identify and relate…they feel less alone. Isn’t that what we all want…to be connected and not feel alone? The fact remains, this is your blog; you write what you want to write and what you feel comfortable sharing–end of story. I, for one, thoroughly enjoy it!
I completely agree with this post! Thank you for it.
Excellent post! I’ve been struggling recently with all of the negativity surrounding blogs – trying to identify where I fall in this “belief” system and why I blog. This is it exactly! My blog is a mixture of personal experiences and fun topics. I appreciate readers and comments, but at the end of the day, this is a hobby for me. Thanks for confirming that there is a balance! We all love your blog!
I would never think of intentionally commenting on someones blog to hurt their feelings. But, I’m confused as to why you feel you needed to write on this topic. You don’t owe anyone an explaination as to why or why not you write certain things. Its your blog. I can see how easily it can hurt to see negative comments on something you work so hard on. However, I also think that you shouldn’t take it so personally. You will come across these types of people your entire life whether you blog or not. Use it as practice to learn how to handle these circumstances when “real life” ones come along. I’m not trying to be negative or attack you, but just trying to give you another point of view on this issue. You shouldn’t care about what people think about you. Its not important. The only thing that matters is your relationship with Christ and the person that you know you are.
Very well said… Cheers all around!
Great post with wonderful thoughts !
I like this post a lot. The thing I can not figure out about bloggers is why they complain about “anonymous comments”, yet there is the option to leave an “anonymous comment” on the blog. Remove the option.
Amen sister!!
I appreciate your posting on this….but what I think that many blog writers don’t realize is how hard it is to be friends with a blog author– which means instead of a real relationship with her I basically have a never ending one-sided dialogue going from her with not much ever back from me (non-blogger). Someone very close to me started blogging and fell totally into it — 100%. She dropped most of her real friends and now feels closest to those in the blogging community. She thinks they are more worthy and perfect people– because they come across that way on their blog. The thing is…I am there in person for the horrible day (let’s say of going to the park or sledding or something) that lasts for 10 minutes and then I have to read the “dream world” fantasy full day of fun that she writes about? It totally messes a person up to read that stuff. She lies constantly about things they do and none of the blog friends know it! (except some do and have noticed Which makes me feel like an accomplice. Her “people I know” list is filled with people that she has run into one time by accident but that she knew through blogging. Her entire personality has changed. She has broken hearts and moved on. Its been horrible to watch. I’ve often thought that this is a side that bloggers don’t see — because how could you (by the nature of non-bloggers aren’t blogging about it). Its just a really ugly side effect that you girls might not be aware of…..
To: ?????
I wrote about this because I don’t see the point in attacking people (me included) for not writing about certain things. It doesn’t hurt my feelings and it doesn’t make me angry. But when I get emails full of speculation about what’s going on with me, I have some concern for my family. And I have had plenty of “real life” situations like this and will likely have more. I appreciate your encouragement– I just don’t understand why you chose to write anonymously.
To: Liz
You cannot disable the anonymous option in Wordpress. If I could, I would. Commenters are required to leave a name and an email address, but they often make them up, as you did.
To: Anonymous
I’m sorry that happened with your friend. That’s not me.
I couldn’t agree more! It’s so hard to please everyone {ha!}…when the whole point is only to please ourselves, capture memories, put into words your experiences. Too many people think that we “owe” them all details of our life. We don’t. We do put ourselves out there, which does open us up for everyone to see, but that doesn’t mean that, like you said, we’re not being honest about things.
There’s plenty I don’t put on my blog. I’m not going to break down my daughter for people to see. That little girl is my life, and even though there are days that every parent can say that their child is making them crazy, it’s not something that should be harped on by the public. I may post something funny about something she did that made me crazy, but those posts are meant to be light-hearted and for others to connect with.
Good for you for saying how you feel about blogging.
Thank you for this post! I completely agree. And, I think your blog is wonderful!
Well said, Erin! I’ve wanted to enter the blogosphere after stumbling upon a few that I loved, but it gives me pause after I watch strangers be so hateful to bloggers who are just capturing their life moments.
Thank you for writing this. I’m not anonymous and started my blog as a way to keep a journal of our newlywed years. While I don’t post our full names and spread it around to RL people I know, I’m not trying to pretend to have a fairytale life either.
I think people all over need to remember that manners are manners and to always have them with them, if that makes sense. And, along with that if you don’t like it, stop reading it. Simple as that.
Thanks for putting into words what so many of us were thinking.
Erin, this is beautifully written!! Everything you said comes straight from the heart and I could not agree more. Blogging is supposed to be a fun, creative outlet and should not provide as a means for others to attack and question why they post or don’t post certain things. Blogs are personal and I think readers forget that there is a real person behind the keyboard with a real life. Expectations have gotten way out of hand and almost demanding to a certain point and that takes the fun out of it. Again, I LOVE LOVE LOVE your blog and so glad you posted on this
Have a beautiful day!!
On the one hand, I agree with you wholeheartedly and as a recovering blogger, I know where you are coming from. This is your blog, it’s your friends’ blogs, and everyone can say – or not say – what they please. You don’t know who is out there reading, and more than likely, a lot more people you know in real life know what goes on over here. (I learned that the hard way.) On the other, I can see why readers get a little, uhm, nosey? when a blogger tows that line of saying too much and then refuses to comment further when prodded. It’s like standing in someone’s kitchen and starting to tell a secret, but backing down. We all hate to be in those positions and to then spend the evening fending off “no really, what were you going to say?”! I think in those cases it’s almost better to not bring up a subject than to leave someone to question your intentions or your thought process or why you bought this or that.
But then I come back this being your corner of the internet and your space to use how you see fit. So I suppose I’m not making any sense.
I will say this. I hate what happened with formspring. But I do have to wonder why anyone would think an anonymous forum for people to ask questions is a good idea — sure, the first few days are likely going to be people you know (IRL or on the innernets) and genuine questions. Just like with blog comments, people take their anonymity and use it to be hateful. It’s sad, but it’s true, and I think it’s for the better to not give the trolls a platform than it is to answer sincere questions from readers.
Amen, Girl! I totally agree with your sentiments. I also don’t understand those who take the time to leave an anonymous, nasty comment — or worse, call you at HOME!!! to do so. If you don’t like what I read, then just don’t read it. I am not forcing you to read what I write, so I am not forcing my thoughts and opinions on you — go find someone else who agrees with you!
I love blogging, though, and I am not going to let a few nasty remarks keep me from it. I am terrible about doing my kids’ baby books (shame on me!), but I am good about writing it all down on my blog, so that is what I am going to continue to do!
ummm… I completely agree with you. I also would like to add that if you have the guts to leave a comment, then you should have the guts to leave your NAME along with it. I use to have the anonymous option, because it’s easier for my friends and family and others who aren’t registered with google {I use blogger} and don’t blog to leave comments. I started getting anonymous posts saying my daughter was ugly and she was a skank {she’s 10 months old fyi}. I contemplated making my blog private and even quitting. I eventually just had to remove the option. It’s really sad that people can be so cruel while hiding behind the computer… and not only cruel…. they really like to be critical of your thoughts and opinionated because you don’t SEE them.
To the ????? poster. I think maybe you were trying to be positive, but when posting without a name, it can come across as negative. I must say, my blog is about my life and my baby… even while leaving out some of the most private moments and info…..my blog is still very personal to me. I’m a Christian, and I am also a sensitive person… especially when you are talking about my baby, which is most personal to me… so yes… I take it personally. When you put so much into your blog… then it *is* important whether you pretend like it isn’t or not.
I believe if you don’t like what you are reading and seeing then don’t read the blog! It’s as simple as that. If you don’t agree or you have something cruel to say… then what’s the point? Really? What *is* the point?
DO UNTO OTHERS AS YOU WOULD HAVE THEM DO TO YOU. =)
Well said. I completely agree!
I agree with you to a certain extent. I believe every blogger only shares a certain part of their life online. And while it may seem like they tell you EVERYTHING, they really are only telling you tidbits. Sometimes people don’t get that.
But on the other hand, if you choose to blog and put your stuff out on the internet, you have to realize there are going to be consequences. Some people may not like what you have to say, some people are just asshats. You have to realize this going in. Even if you are completely anonymous, there are still going to be people who disagree with you or don’t like you, even if they don’t know who you are. It comes with the territory.
I speak from experience. I got fired for my blog, when it was just a few months old and NO ONE was reading. If you write a blog post, a Twitter or FB update, you have to post it full on knowing that everyone and their mother could possibly read it. If you don’t, then when something happens, you have to take some responsibility because we live in a very digital age.
Amen! It’s your blog, and you should be able to write/not write about whatever you want.
Wonderful post. I absolutely agree!
I also struggle some days with what to write and what not to write. There are certain things are on my mind some days and my blog is meant for me to use as a safe and creative outlet, however, I often have to remind myself of the possible repercussions just prior to pressing ‘post’. I think it’s special that you have such a fabulous relationship with the blog community and at the same time, it’s unfortunate that there are people that take things too far. I hope you are able to find a working balance for you. I still haven’t yet although I’m hopeful that I will as I keep blogging.
Your blog is definitely a daily read for me!
Thanks so much,
Jessica
I appreciate this post so much, and had somebody had this insight to share when I started blogging, it would have been a tremendous help.
I learned about posting things too intimate (though, I didn’t think they were at the time) on my blog the hard way. An acquaintance that I’ve been forced into being around started stalking my blog while I was pregnant and instead of admitting to everyone that she and I weren’t talking and weren’t really friendly, she would regurgitate the content on my blog to her family and to mine (!!!) to make it sound like we’d been chatting. This got super uncomfortable when my mother-in-law started asking me why I never invited this girl along places when we were so close and talked all the time. It’s gotten much worse with her, and for a while I made my blog private to protect myself, but had to go away from than when my father moved over seas and wanted to be able to read with out creating an account.
I don’t think it’s easy to find that happy medium between being open and private. I think you have managed remarkably well. I’m also glad you set an example in formspring.me too. Reading some of the questions that I’ve gotten, it’s pretty clear that it’s people I know who are being impertinent and trying to trap me into an answer. I don’t understand why people enjoy being snarky for the sake of it.
Great post, friend! I know we’ve discussed all of this before. I started out blogging about fashion and trends just because it’s what I love, but then of course people grew to read my blog and all of the sudden certain people viewed it as me “bragging” or being “pretentious” which is so stupid considering this is just what I like to talk about … why should I be judged for writing about one of my passions? Now more than ever I feel like I have to censor what I write about and I will admit it’s just not as fun anymore as it used to be.
Well written post with lots of great points. It is your blog and you should be able to share what you want. I love your blog and I am sorry for your friends who have had negative experiences. I cannot imagine posting something negative on someone’s blog.
Wonderful post! I think you might have been reading my mind as these were all things I have been tossing about in my mind. I really agree with your post – very well put
BEB,
I can not think of another blogger who could have said what we all wanted to say so eloquently. I find time and time again we rely on you to be our mentor, and to lead us in the path of all things graceful and lady like. You never fail us, and it is why we all respect and adore you so much. I think it is safe to say, everyone above and below me here in this column that we use as our platform day in and out, are grateful to what you bring to our lives. In other words, I love your hodge podge, Missy Maam!
PS Ain’t no way hell The Bumpkin is formspringing………..Not even going there?
Ask me anything….no way hell in girlfriends!
Love,
The Bumpkin
This was fate. You are such an amazing writer. I wrote a little bit about the same thing today on my blog, but you articulated it much better. I want to find joy in blogging! I don’t want people to bitch about what I write. It’s hard.
I loved what you are saying, because I think a lot of people took note of some things that were happening in our all-to-small blog world these last couple weeks that were not okay. I have never understood people who feel the need to leave nasty or intrusive comments on blogs- because what is the purpose? I always wonder what is going on in that person’s life to make them so hateful. Yet getting nasty comments is not easy. When I first got my first nasty comment I was really taken aback by how much it hurt my feelings. I didn’t want my blog to turn into a mean comment-fest, and I didn’t want to subject myself to this mean person’s comments on a daily basis. After some soul searching I realized that it is my responsibility to set the boundaries of my blog. So if I am going to ask for feedback and have the blog open to comments, I’m going to get some mean stuff sometimes. I can’t control that. What I can control is how I react to that mean stuff. So I don’t publish mean comments and my ABSOLUTE rule is that I don’t respond to mean comments. Because it is really easy for people to be evil behind the safety of their computer screen, and the best way to handle situations that come up is to not let the get ANY credit whatsoever. Make the time they took to read and respond in a mean manner completely a waste because it gets no credence or credit or shout-out. Eventually they just go away.
Anyways, that’s just my two cents but so far it has worked for me.
I actually started drafting a very similar post, not because I’ve been mistreated, but because of how disappointed I am to watch online friends put their blogs on hiatus, private, or just close up shop because negative, cruel people take advantage of a open and honest forum. Fortunately, I’ve encountered a lot of positivity and new friends online and hope the good people outweight the bad!
I agree so much with this. I really only started my blog because a couple people I know loved blogging and I love free writing so I tried it out. A LOT of people gave me crap for it, so I stopped. I came back to the blogging world with a new look. I kept things limited. I will tell you MANY things about me, but just somethings I DO NOT want people to know. SO what, I am not here to right about my secrets, and my deep feelings. People need to understand we have feelings. We are doing this for us. Not to please the world. (Even though we try). When I am blogging I am not thinking about who is going to read this. It doesn’t hit me till later when I get bad feedback or negative comments. Thanks so much for posting this. Have fun and enjoy blogging.!
You go girl!!
It’s wise and shows discernment to pick and choose what you blog about. I relate so much to you in that we’re in similar places in our lives and that I love to write and find great joy in doing it. I don’t see you as pretentious. I don’t see you as too private. I don’t find one thing about your blog to be frustrating to read. If I did, I wouldn’t read it. I blog because I enjoy it. I read blogs because I enjoy them. I think you’re uplifting and fun.
I compleatly agree wit this! I dont see you as being “too private” I do not understand why there are so many haters in the blog world recently. I guess people get something out of it by leaving hateful comments. All you can do is pray for those people and eventually they will go away. I am a firm believer in, if you dont like what you are reading, they why are you “wasting” your time? Keep up the great blogging girl!
This is a wonderful post, and I so agree with it!
Last fall I kind of stumbled across a few blogs when I was looking up gift ideas. Your blog and a couple of other gals blogs appeared in my google search and I checked them out, and LOVED them.
I made a couple comments here and there, and wasn’t a faithful reader until a couple of months ago, and at that point, I realized that I really wanted to join this community, but I was super scared. I’d seen some really mean comments, and I couldn’t believe people have the nerve to write negative/personal attack type comments on blogs.
I don’t understand why people think they can say such cruel things and hide behind “anon” or leave fake names/email addresses, or even say those things to begin with. Good manners apply no matter what the platform, and I understand that people may have differing views, but there is a respectful way to address differing opinions, and there is no need to attack another in such a vicious manner.
If people don’t like what they read or see on a blog, why are they continuing to check it? Why must they feel the need to weigh in on the personal likes/dislikes/decisions of another? Just move on!
All that being said, I love reading your blog because you are positive & upbeat, post great finds and gift ideas, and I would miss your posts!
Being new to blogging, I would say I haven’t yet had the full experience. It’s helpful to read about this aspect of blogging before it hits me “head-on” on my own blog. It makes you take a step back and really think about things before you post them. I read blogs for enjoyment and to hear other people’s experiences and see their recommendations, not to criticize people’s lives and unfortunately not everyone is the same.
I hope in the end the good will outweigh the bad for people and they’ll keep posting and doing what they love to do!
Oh that is awful that people are so nosy & nasty! I love your blog and enjoy reading when I can. It’s so unfortunate people can be so cruel. Love your blog though- it’s too cute!
I think this was a great post. Sometimes, you just don’t want the whole world knowing your business. I think everyone should know and respect that. Once it’s out here…it’s out here forever. I was very careful about not revealing too much on my blog and what not because it freaks me out. But regardless, everyone deserves privacy!!! Good post:)
Erin, what a beautiful post. You can put into words what most of us think on a daily basis. Thank you.
I have a totally unrealted question. I’m getting married in July and remember you posting pictures of your bridesmaids with umbrellas. Where did you get them? Such a great way to add a spark of color. My e-mail is girlfromlandof10kl at yahoo dot com
Have a great rest of the week!
xoxo,
Minnesota Girl
Ahhh, the lovely formspring. I’ve watched these questions and answers all over Twitter. I cringe at some of the questions. Passive/aggressive seems to be the new dialogue for everyone. What happened to manners and morals? Did these people’s parents teach them anything. Gosh, people have no tact lately, do they?
I started somewhat anonymous at the beginning. I was using my son’s and husband’s real name on my blog until I got more and more followers. I’ve slowly edited out their names, mostly. I’ve heard about MANY wedding bloggers have issues with jealousy and nasty comments. I feel so bad for them as they are opening up their special day and all the planning included. You want to be able to remember these times without this nastiness.
I’m speaking at a Conference in May about keeping my name and career separate from my online/brand name of my blog. I’ve managed to keep my real full name out of Google in relation to my blog, mostly I hope. You never know who is reading your blog, or is out looking for information about you online.
And as the “bigger” bloggers say, “you know that you have a good blog and that you are popular when you start getting the trolls coming to it”, trolls aka anonymous nasty commentors.
P.S. I also hate writing posts about blogging on my blog. But sometimes, it is needed. Because other bloggers do read blogs.
You have a delightful blog! I enjoy reading about your life and I feel you are very realistic about the events in your life.
Regarding your pregnancy, for those of us who have had children, I’m sure we can figure out what your health issues are without requiring you to go into all the intimate details. Plus it is your right Not to give out every detail of your life.
I’m not sure what people are thinking with some of the things they write in their comments. If they don’t like what they are reading, they need to stop reading. Some of these people have become bullies and what does that accomplish?
Again you have a wonderful blog and you are entitled to write whatever you want to write.
I love this post! Thanks for sharing (and I totally agree with you – feel the same way!)
Your blog is wonderful. Thank you for sharing your life, comments, ideas.
I can honestly say it’s incredibly rare to find someone, even if they get the privilege of editing them self a bit, that comes across as beautiful internally as they look externally. It may sound incredibly selfish, but I am using your entry today as a learning tool. I just recently started blogging and have yet to receive a negative comment. It seems that if someone as wonderful as yourself can get them, I better prepare myself. I guess I should also find a line that I won’t cross when blogging about myself or those special to me. Please don’t let the negativity get to you! I think it’s admirable you are trying to emotionally protect your family and yourself!
I feel badly now that I’ve requested to add you to Twitter!
I understand the desire to have a private vs “blogging” life/identify.
For the record, I love your writing, you’re interesting, and I think (if you lived in Toronto), we could be bffs
Very, very true. When we blog about our lives, they are basically written snapshots. When you look at your photo album, you see a smiling family in front of Cinderella’s Castle. There aren’t any pictures of the bickering in the car or the ice cream cone that made you sick or the 2 hours you stood in line for Splash Mountain only to have it start lightening. Of course, YOU remember those moments, but there’s no need to document them for the world to see.
I don’t have anywhere near the amount of readers that you do. Shoot, I’m not even in triple-digits, lol. While I LOVE the people that read my blog and comment and get to know me, what I write is ultimately mine. It’s the story of MY life. I recently went through an emotional time….. my bloggy friends were sooooo sweet and supportive. But, I even started a few posts with, “You don’t actually have to read this…… I’m just recording this event so that I can look back on it one day with a different perspective.”
Years from now, the only people who are going to be affected by what you write about NOW is you and your immediate loved ones. So, in the end, those are the only ones that really matter….. what you all can live with sharing.
I commented anonymously to make my point. Maybe you should consider switching your website out of wordpress???? I do not see how you can continue to complain about anonymous commenters when you leave the option to do so, I do not get it.
Well said!! I love reading your blog and think you do a great job!
I stumbled across your blog a while ago through a mutual friend/blogger (Lindsay at Wandering in the Desert-I actually went to high school with her & your hubby TC & grew up in the same neighborhood, QH) & have thoroughly enjoyed reading about your life & random thoughts. While I don’t currently blog (but have several dear friends who do & I would like to in the future), I fiercely agree with your post & your right to privacy–you have the right to protect the ones you love & yourself! You choose to open your heart & share your thoughts with all of us & we are lucky you do! Anyone who has anything negative to say should keep their comments to themselves and like so many others have said, stop reading! Thank you for your posts & your refreshing honesty in all that you share!
I have mixed feelings regarding blogs, I suppose that’s the reason why I don’t blog and choose to only read other people’s blogs on occasion.
I think blogs, for better or for worse, are too personal in general. Yes, people like to read about personal things, and bloggers like to talk about their day and everything, but perhaps this is why I prefer blogs that focus on a particular topic that they blog about (wedding planning, running, fashion, home design) I don’t need to hear about their husbands and what they bought this week and their Christmas lists. But then again, I didn’t ask to hear about it, an it’s your choice to post whatever you feel comfortable with.
Blogs do tend to become addictive though. Like watching The Bachelor, we want to know what happens next, and I agree with a few people who have posted that said if you talk about it we’ll become curious.
PS, Can you not delete an Anonymous comment that is very negative? Does WordPress not give you that option?
Also, I suppose some people (like myself) do not blog from an account that shows up as a link because we don’t have our own blogs, which is understandable. Not all anonymous comments are from people with bad intentions. Just something to keep in mind.
Hi! Just wanted to say “well said!”
I don’t have a blog but read a lot of them and I am always offended for the blogger when unnecessary things are said. HELLO! this a PERSONAL blog and you are kind of a guest. I am really sad b/c I noticed that a blog I read was deleted and I know she has had trouble before with trolls, stalkers, etc. (MBB). can’t understand this. but, I really enjoy your blog and get a lot out it as I have a similar lifestyle,(don’t have a lot of close friends in my position) and I appreciate your putting yourself out there. so THANKS!
Great post! I agree with you 100%. It is sad to see people like Mojito Maven stop blogging because other people. People should blog because they want to and they should have fun doing it. No one should judge others blogs or hound others. We are here to support each other not hate on each other.
Hey, I know something of what you’re referring to. I don’t have a huge readership which is fine by me, but I do have quite a few anonymous followers of whom I’m not aware. What’s weird is when one of Chris’ students or a colleague of Chris’ will comment or will talk to Chris about what they read on my blog. Or when a cousin or college friend who hasn’t spoken to me in years will start commenting. Blogging opens you up and makes you vulnerable, and I’ve learned to be more careful about what I put out there. It’s terrible when people use that vulnerability as an opportunity to wound others.
I agree. I love hearing about other peoples lives, but I do not feel that I need to know everything about their life. Several of the blogs that I use to read have either stopped blogging or have gone private, which made me kinda sad. I hope that you do not go away. As blogger we need respect each other space, while gaining knowledge from one another.
Erin,
Such a great post! I often don’t blog because I really don’t feel like I can say what I want. I too am saddened that several blogs I follow are currently experiencing difficulty in blogland. It comes down to basic human kindness…and if you don’t like a blog, don’t read it.
Thank you for posting this.
xo, Cas
This is a great post. I 100% agree with you on all points.
I think if people have envy issues from reading blogs (which I believe is where all of the anger comes from) then they should stop reading them. As an example – a lot of my real life friends called me lame for giving up Facebook for Lent — but I can already see how it’s made me a less envious person.
I feel so sad that MM is on hiatus and you’re getting attacked too. You gals were the FIRST real people blogs I read (after I started reading Style me Pretty 2 years ago).
I stopped blogging after my wedding for a while and started a new blog months later because of what happened as a result of my wedding blog/website (read here if you’re interested: http://oursandiegowedding.blogspot.com/2008/10/it-seem-that-everyone-has-their-wedding.html). But then I remembered why I liked blogging 1. to have a memory of me and my life and 2. to build community with those around me (real life and blog friends).
Anyways, thanks for being an awesome blogger. Big hugs!
Great post! I always enjoy your blog. I agree that you should only post what you want too. I actually like that your blog shows a taste of your real life. But it is not real life. Everyone blogs for a different reason. You give people a little taste of being a young fun stylish mom. People just need to understand that this is the blog world and if you don’t want to put something in your blog then that is your right. I hope that you keep doing this blog, because it is one of my favorites!
So much I could say, but it looks like the other 101 commenters already said it! I loved this post.
It all goes back to Bambi for me…”If you can’t say something nice… don’t say nothing at all.”
Big hugs to you!
Hi Erin, I’ve never read your blog before, but a blogger friend recommended this post. I wanted to say that I appreciate you eloquently summing up what it’s like to blog about things of a semi-private nature, particularly your mention of your health problem after your son was born. I had a similar thing happen with me where I mentioned I was taking a new medicine, but prodded when I did not want to share what it was for. The medicine part was relevant to my blog, the rest was not and like you, I do not need my whole town or acquaintances knowing my medical history.
I think before I was a blogger I would not have imagined how tricky it would to tell enough, but not too much. I think this might help give a picture to non-bloggers.
Very well said!
This post makes me sad (that it even needed to be written) and Mojito’s experience makes me even sadder. The things I’ve noticed lately (and I’m sure you have found this as well) is that readers develop these unrealistic expectations of me (particularly on Formpsring which I find to be grotesque and fascinating and addicting all at the same time). They get frustrated if I won’t expound on certain topics, or if I say I’m just not going there. They get angry if I admit to deleting comments that I don’t want on my personal space, or if I refuse to answer their questions. I’ve recently come to realize that I don’t *owe* anyone anything. In some small way, they are privileged to get any glimpse of my life at all (which makes it sound like my life is really awesome or that I’m really cool, but honestly it’s privilege that anyone lets anyone else into their life if you think about it).
Even with all the negativity and awfulness though, I’m hooked and don’t see myself quitting anytime soon. I hope you won’t either.
While I definitely feel sorry for troll-ish, hateful people with nothing better to do than attack random personal blogs, I hesitate to agree with this blog post “100%” as some have said. It’s just that, from Rockstar Diaries to a few other blogs, I continue to hear “oh, this was just my little, personal, private, family blog, I never expected it to get big”. And I totally get that. But, the thing is, once it *does* get big, you are playing in a different field. For example, I dearly love reading That Wife. She gets many, many comments, and I’d say the vast majority are supportive or genuinely interested and have boundary-appropriate questions. Yes, there are the really nasty ones, and yes, I imagine those hurt.
But, what it comes down to, is this. You have a platform by which you are chronicling your life. You know this is a public chronicle. You get the gratification of comments, e-friendships, reader feedback, etc., *even if that wasn’t your intention in the first place*. So, I guess, to me, as a not-popular-blogger with a still very much “seriously, only my family and friends read this and they don’t have an account with which to comment” blog, I see it as still an amazing return on investment. If you get 90% awesome, insightful, supportive, thoughtful, engaged comments, I think that’s a small price to pay for 10% of yes, absolutely horrible, hateful comments.
I was thinking about this regarding Rockstar Diaries actually. I don’t know if she censors her blog comments or not, but a while back I saw one or two nasty comments, maybe… but the chick literally has something like over 2,000 followers, and she regularly gets almost 100 comments on the simplest of one photos/one line of text posts that generally praise her, her husband, her beauty, her fashion sense, etc. Yet when *one single* bad comment comes through- usually someone being jerky about her being a Mormon, or they make a judgment about her life- all of the other comments after it are all “you’re so brave” or “why are people so mean?” or “I’m sorry you have to go through this”. And I’m thinking, yeah, that person was a jerk, but if two nasty comments out of 100 on your blog is what you’re dealing with, and you’re making money off of it, well, I dunno, that still seems like a pretty sweet deal. This has gotten rambly, and it sounds insensitive, but to me it’s just part of being a blogger. You get the good with the bad, and I just feel that you get the good in spades and the bad is just really the inevitable percentage of bad that comes with almost every human endeavor in this messy world
Oh, I just want to clarify, that I do 100% agree about the privacy/boundary lines. You don’t owe anyone any information. This is still YOUR life, and if you don’t want to talk about, you shouldn’t have to! I was more talking about just general “you made a post/someone made a nasty comment’ situations.
Very very true thoughts!
Unfortunately, I found out the hard way about venting on my blog. My in-laws, who we (both my husband and I) don’t really get along with, have stalked my blog in the past and brought up things I’ve “vented” about in the past. Small things that I really didn’t think were that ugly or awful (like, about bridesmaid dresses!)…. but I learned that I really have to watch what I say!
And nobody wants to read or hear somebody who gripes about their life all.the.time. Hudson is the joy of your lives! Of course you’re so proud of him!!
I LOVE this post. I can really relate to this!!!!!! Thank you for saying what many of us feel.
I completely agree erin! I think some people forget that bloggers are REAL everyday people. We can share what we want and don’t have to answer to anyone! These blogs are OURS! The only time I welcome comments that are anything other than just that, a comment, is when I ask for opinions (which is rare)! Love you. Love your blog! Couldn’t have said it better! Blogging just isn’t as fun as it once was. I have considered shutting down shop but I haven’t just yet! Big hugs to u!
Heather from http://www.thenheathersaid.com pointed me in the direction of this post, and I cannot tell you how much of this I feel is true! I don’t blog about many personal things at all, but people still ask. This is so true!
Just wanted to say that you do a REALLY good job of balancing your personal life with what you put on the blog, in my opinion.
Totally off the subject, but I’m assuming being the planner you are, you are probably already cooking up ideas for Hudson’s first birthday party. Anything you want to share? I can’t wait to see what you put together!
Incredibly well said! I sometimes wish I’d kept my blog anonymous and from my family so that I could vent. On the other hand, I enjoy the feeling of being a person with a name to me 14 (wooo!) readers. But I completely agree that my blog is my scrapbook, and it is a sacred thing to all of us.
I was just directed to you after tweeting that I am considering posting a scathing blog about people who are abusing my formspring page and asking incredibly rude questions over and over again.
You are far more eloquent than I am at the moment. I should take a cue from you and dial it down and really explain it. Thanks for this post…it couldn’t have come at a better time.
Thanks for this post! I recently started my blog and I struggled with how much to share. Lately, I’ve been contemplating whether or not I’ve been open enough on my blog, but this post helps reassure me that I should stick with my initial instinct on keeping it somewhat private.
wonderfully stated!!! glad you posted this!!!
Yes, I agree friend! I never want to say negative things about any of my boys, Hubby included! I’ll say the boys were sleepy or rambunctious but I LOVE everything about all my boys, why would I want to tear them down or let them read those things like you said when they get older, they need to be built up, and it is a wonderful thing for us to be able to do. I feel so bad for blogging friends who have been attacked, there is no need for that at all! It doesn’t make sense to me that if someone doesn’t like reading something, they don’t just move on and read something else. I have to say that I have to check myself every now and then to make sure that I am blogging for me/us and not for anyone else. And when I do that, it makes me feel so much better about things that might have gotten me down, or thinking about how or what I’m posting about, while reminding myself to just be thankful for anyone else who wants to read and follow along and think about those who aren’t or aren’t anymore (makes me feel bad, hello insecurity
). I love your honesty and posts, all of them. Don’t change a thing mama!
100% agreement here. It’s our blog & we have the right to disclose or not whatever we want. It ends up in cyberspace forever, so I think you’re being wise.
I totally understand what you are saying, especially the line on Bloggers primarily blogging for themselves, that’s very true. When I started to blog I wanted everyone to know about it and though its remained with my friends and family, I do wish I could go and anonymously vent every so often. Really love your blog and all the things that you share…
Just found your blog. I’m new to the blogging world, and love it
You have a new follower… thanks for the honesty!