I’m almost finished reading So Long Insecurity by Beth Moore. I wanted to have a head start on the conference content at the end of next week in Atlanta.
The book has been such a great resource for me to dig down deep to nail down what my specific insecurities are and why I have those insecurities. It’s much cheaper than therapy, and we know that Beth Moore is speaking the Truth, not a lot of doctor speak. I’ve learned that many other women are just as insecure as I am.
It may help me to take a minute to put my insecurities out there so I can hold myself accountable in my efforts to conquer these insecurities.
1. My appearance- specifically my weight
I know we all struggle with this. There have only been a couple of time periods in my life when I’ve actually been happy about the way I look. The scale has to say a certain number. I have to fit into a certain size clothes. I finally hit that magic number. And I finally fit into clothes that had a little number on them that I always thought was unattainable. But now, post baby, I’m a long way from those numbers and sizes. And I put so much of my self-worth and confidence into those numbers and sizes.
I’ve also started to notice that my face looks different. Maybe it’s all in my head, but I’m starting to look my age.
One of my favorite quotes from Steel Magnolias is “Honey, time marches on and eventually you realize it’s marchin’ across your face.”
I look in the mirror now and I honestly don’t feel like I look like the same care-free person that I used to. Life is definitely more stressful now because my responsibilities are greater, but I don’t want it to show up in my appearance.
I think the reason for these feelings is obvious. Magazines, celebrities, television, movies, social media. All of these factors contribute to me holding myself to a standard that is unhealthy for me and my security.
2. Inadequacy
When I was working, I always felt like I didn’t have a prestigious enough job. I worked for the state and I was surrounded by attorneys (my husband’s friends). Or I’d meet people at meetings who had jobs that seemed much more important than mine.
I spend too much time basing my self-worth on what someone else has done or accomplished.
I always knew that my decisions about what field of study and work I wanted to enter were the right decisions, but I also felt like I had a lot of explaining to do about what it was I was doing. This made me feel so tired and I ended up avoiding the topic, most of the time.
Now, I couldn’t be more proud of the work that I do every day in our home.
3. Nobody Likes Me
I’m an outgoing person and I love meeting new people. But I always walk away wondering if someone likes me. Or if I don’t get invited to something and I feel like everyone else got invited, I start feeling like someone doesn’t like me and doesn’t want to be my friend.
I have fantastic friends and I am absolutely content with the beautiful relationships that I have in my life. But something always reminds me that I wasn’t invited to a certain girls outing or wasn’t included in something else and I always start to take it personally.
Actually it’s not something that reminds me. It’s Satan.
As for why I feel this way, I’d say it probably has a lot to do with the fact that I’ve moved so many times and have started over in new schools and new towns. These experiences were wonderful in the end, but the beginning was always rough. Looking for new friends and trying to figure out where you fit in can be challenging at any age.
Reading this book has been such an eye-opening experience for me. It has been great for me to tackle my insecurities and face them head-on. They haven’t vanished, by any means, but I can deal with every day and remind myself to say goodbye to insecurity.
I think the most important thing to remember is that if you’re struggling with insecurity, you’re definitely not the only one. The girl that you most admire and aspire to be like is probably even more insecure than you are.
My goal every day is to let the Lord be my source of security and to ask Him to help me to love myself just as much as He loves me. I was created to be the woman that He wants me to be. And the most I can do is live my life to honor Him.
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Amen to that! I am about 3/4 of the way through the book and it’s been so eye opening, although I have to admit I always feel very strong after reading it, but then have to keep reminding myself over and over Not to get insecure over insignificant things. Thanks for being so open and honest. I really think the best thing women can do, especially moms, is be transparent and talk these things out! (ideally over a big glass of wine
Awesome! I’m reading Beth Moore’s When Godly People Do UnGodly Things. So far I Love it! I bought the workbook instead of the book. I’m glad I did because it asks questions and gets you really into it! I plan on doing this one next!
p.s. just got Katie Lee Joel’s new cookbook off Amazon- have you picked it up yet? Tons of great recipes I can’t wait to try!
AMEN. You said it all so well. I plan to start the book this weekend and hope to have it done before Friday. Lord knows I need it. My insecurities may seem “little” compared to some women, but I do know that Satan is using them to hold me back.
Can’t wait to get started on the book AND for the Atlanta
I can so relate. The closer I get to 40, the more I feel like I’m looking/feeling my age. It’s really hard to see your youth go away. Motherhood and all it’s responsibilites can take it’s toll on all of us in regards to looks, weight, and stress level.
I appreciate your honesty. It’s funny…..you always manage to do a post like this when I need it. I’ve been experiencing the same issues lately. I wish I could attend the Beth Moore conference! Hope y’all have fun and experience God’s truth.
How perfectly timed! I’ve been struggling with this myself, but haven’t been sure whether I should get the book. Sounds like I’ll need to go pick it up this weekend. Thank you for being so honest!
sounds like a great book that has given you quite a learning experience!! I will add it to my list of must-reads!
Very good post, Erin
I think that many women struggle with these issues but never take the time to reflect on them. I’ve dealt with all of those things, too, particularly the prestige + work thing. It was hard for me to go from getting my PhD to being a nurse, especially when my husband has such a cerebral job. But it’s what I love and it’s what makes me happy, and it allows me the opportunity to serve others in a very tangible way each day.
I think that the most important thing in life is to live in a way that is pleasing to only 2 people: (1) God, followed shortly thereafter by (2) my husband (best friend!). If I try to do that, it seems like all of the other things fall into place
Have fun at the conference!
The book is fantastic. I believe we all have insecurities of some sort. I’m totally with you on the weight issue and the friend issue. I’m just so thankful that no matter what Jesus loves me and He loves you too.
This book has just moved to the top of my reading list! I can totally relate to you on almost all of your insecurities. I think all women struggle with those things on some level. This was such a great and inspiring post! Thanks for sharing it with all of us.
Amen sister! You are amazing ,don’t let anyone or anything ever let you feel otherwise. Thanks for keeping it real;)
Wow, that sounds like a really good book! I just might have to read it!
I think I may need to purchase this book. I can so relate to all three items on your list.
Beth is the best! We have a Monday Moms Bible study. We are all stay-home moms that are Beth Moore groupies and meet almost every Monday during the school year to do one of her Bible studies.
I relate to every single insecurity that you have… and I could add a few of my own.
Somehow I don’t think men deal with this. Either they don’t feel the same pressure we do, or they’re not introspective enough to realize they’re insecure messes too.
I want to thank you so much for doing this post. Lately I have been feeling like my insecurity level is way high. I was just telling my husband at dinner that I have been worrying WAY too much about what other people think of me lately. I’ve been doing some praying about it and when I clicked on your post and started reading, I had to thank God a little bit because he obviously knew it was something I needed to read! Immediately after reading I placed an order for Beth Moore’s book on Amazon. Here’s to a step toward saying adios to my insecurities!
Thank you
)
Thank you so much for this post. I’ve been struggling with everything you listed for so long, and it all seems to be coming to a head in recent weeks. And you’re right, these places of insecurity can be such a lonely place to be. Thanks for puttig all this out there; it means more than you know.
absolutely beautiful, erin! i can so relate with all of these issues (probably most women can)…and it’s completely a daily battle to lay down my insecurities at the feet of Christ and believe, every single minute of the day, my worth comes from Him ALONE. thank you for the reminder!!
I can relate so much to struggling with my appearance. I always feel like I have to be a certain size, or I will get looked down on. It is a constant ongoing battle.
That book sounds intriguing! Thanks for sharing.
Such a wonderful post! I can relate to every word you said. It’s sad because I’ve been realizing lately just how much I allow my insecurities to hold me back. Like you said, it’s important to love ourselves as God loves us. Remember that you are fearfully and wonderfully made! Thanks for your honesty!
i’m reading this book as well…and absolutely LOVE it!!!
i can pretty much copy and paste your post into my life…some of the same struggles my friend.
you are an amazing lady!!
bless you
)
I too struggle with the 3 things you listed. However when it comes to be Inadequate enough, my problem is that I will most likey be the bread winner in my family. I have the more “prestigious” job but I have no desire or motivation right now for it. My husband works in a warehouse right now and he is paid pretty well but he strives to be a fulltime firefighter. Which means that I will need to strive to do better and get paid more. I won’t ever have the opportunity to be a SAHM but I envy you more than you know. Good for you to actually take the time to work on bettering yourself.
I think we all have some of those same insecurities! I really need to get that book. I wish I knew about the conference ahead of time. I only leave two hours from Atlanta! Maybe next time!
Thank you for this post. I will definitely be picking up Beth’s book.
I too deal with these insecurities and can relate. As most of the ladies have said, we all need to empower ourselves as a person, wives and mother’s.
Great post! I loved reading that book! I have the same insecurities, weight and appearance have always been big for me. Especially when I started noticing that my skin didn’t look like it did a few years ago, and now that I can’t lose weight like I use to. This book really opened my eyes to a lot of thing and why I have certain insecurities.
Great post! I can relate to so many of your same feelings.
I cannott wait to start reading SLI this weekend and I really CANNOT WAIT to see you next weekend!!
Thanks for sharing… I think I need to read this book.
Have you read Captivating? I’m in the middle of it. Not sure they’re the same, but definitely similar in nature.
I’ve been reading your blog for awhile now, but I’m not sure if I have commented before…it is amazing how perception is everything it seems. I’ve always thought you were so gorgeous and wished I had a blog and could be blog friends with you and the girls that you went to Charleston with!
) It’s funny that you talk about not feeling adequate with your job…yet, I am an attorney and have loved reading about your life as a stay at home mom!
When reading your #1 insecurity, it’s as if you read my mind. These are my thoughts when I look in the mirror every day. Right down to my face looking differently. I literally told Alex this a few weeks back. My exact words were, “my skin used to glow…it doesn’t glow anymore.” He looked at me like I was crazy. So true that the Lord should be our security – nothing else. Loved your honesty in this post. I’m looking forward to meeting you in ATL.
I am definitely going to check out this book — thanks for the recommendation. I can totally relate. Now that I am 8 months pregnant, my body is taking on proportions that it never has before. And I am starting to wonder if it will ever go back! I appreciate your candor because I think it helps all women to know other women struggle with the same insecurities.
Long time reader, first time commenter. I am so glad you said what you said today. I was just talking with my bible study about not feeling content with my life and where God has me. I have a 8 month span between graduating and going back to school, and the job that I am working is not at all what I pictured. Its so easy to find worth in the material and wordly things instead of finding our worth in Christ. I love Beth Moore, I am definatly going to read this book!!
I have this book on my nightstand and you just inspired me to set some time aside and actually read it!! Thanks for your honesty!
What a great post! Lots of food for thought. I really want to read that book.
Cxx
Erin, Thank you so much for writing this. This post really spoke to me, mostly because those are my exact same insecurities. I am getting married in a month and a half and for some reason I feel like I need to be a certain size and a certain weight to be a “pretty bride”… when really I look fine the way I am. I also feel the exact same way about my job/career and my friendships/meeting new people. It actually just made me feel better to know that someone else has those same insecurities and that I’m not alone.
Thanks so much!!!
We are moving to Charleston in a year for my future husbands residency and now that I know that other people have the same feelings sometimes about meeting new people, I don’t think I will be quite as scared
Wow, what an amazing post. Thank you for always being so candid and honest. Parts of your post made me sad though! I am glad to see though that you understand how awesome you are. I probably sound like a creepy blog stalker, but really, I think you’re great! The book sounds really helpful, I will have to pick it up soon. Until then, let’s just keep remembering how much the Lord loves us, because it is such a blessing and we have so much to be grateful for!
Sounds like a great book! Funny how we all have the same insecurities and don’t know it.
Hope you’re having a blast in Dallas!
You know what I needed this post, Erin!!! I, too, struggle with each and every one your insecurities too. All my girlfriends have great and/or high profile job, and well, me, I’m just an assistant in commericial r/e. I make half what they make, and often, I feel inadequate. And like you, my significant other is an attorney as well. And the weight thing, don’t even get me started. All my friends are skinny except for me. I don’t fit into the 0-2 range and probably never will. But everyday, it’s a struggle. It’s so nice to read a post like this and know I’m not alone. Thank you:)
oh and please forget the grammatical errors. i left out words and (s). sheesh, it’s been a crazy morning.
Wow. So much of that rings true for me too. Actually, all of it. Thank you so much for sharing! Glad I am not alone…
Erin, this is a great post! I definitely struggle with a lot of these same issues and I know there are countless other women who do as well. Thanks for being so honest and I hope you have fun in Atlanta
First of all, you really do look great to the rest of the world so it’s so sad to hear you don’t think so yourself. As you get older, you’ll look back at pictures of yourself now and realize how gorgeous you are and wonder why you fretted so much!
Secondly, I have found that as I get older although there is more to be insecure about in some ways, I think I end up caring a lot less about what others (strangers) think of me. That’s the freedom in growing older and it feels GREAT so look forward to that in the next few years.
Love this Erin! Can’t wait to hear how your conference goes!
It’s nice to be reminded that you’re not alone. That others share your exact same concerns.
I love this post more than any of your others. Of course photos of Hudson are always fun and it’s interesting to hear what you guys do for fun since my little boy is not too much older than Hudson and we live in such a different area (Wisconsin), but posts like this connect people. They make you realize even someone across the country has the same feelings sometimes that you have!
Oh, and that sudden aged look? I suddenly have it too. Just after Gavin was born I actually looked better than ever. I think the glow of pregnancy stayed awhile. And then it was like I aged three times as fast for the next six months! I suddenly feel like I look very old! It’s what’s inside that matters though!
I think this is a struggle for almost all of us. I have a bad time comparing myself to others and always giving myself the short end of the stick. Sometimes I just have to shut off the computer and tv and thank God for what I do have. I’m thinking I need to pick up this book.
i’ve heard a lot about BM and this book from your tweets and other’s tweets. i’m definitely going to check it out this summer when i’m on a break from school. i struggle with insecurities, particularly weight, and, like you, tend to measure my self worth by what size my jeans are or numbers on a scale. it’s time for me to stop worrying!
Wow! I literally have all of the same insecurities as you! Not more or less. My husband is a PhD chemist and everyone I’m surrounded by makes me feel like I have to explain myself for just being a “lowly nurse”. Glad someone else out there is like me! Thanks for sharing!
Not sure if you know Kelly from Kelly’s Korner Blog (about little Harper), but she’s going to that conference too. Have fun!
Erin, this post is so amazing. So many times I want to write about topics like this where it leaves the writer (you/me in our cases) so vulnerable and open to so many possible comments about how one should change the way one lives, feel better bc “you look great,” or other things.
Of course, hearing compliments is always great (and from what you’ve shared, you do look great!) But I commend your vulnerability and courage to speak about topics so personal. I love reading your blog because I get so inspired about my own life and my own writings. So, thank you!!
xoxo
Maybe I should read this book!! Looks like we have/had a lot of the same insecurities. Thanks for the book rec.
Oh my gosh, this is such a good post. You have no idea how relieved it makes me feel to know that someone else out there has the same insecurities I have. Your comment about feeling like your face looks different…I have SO been thinking that about myself. I am going to run out and buy this book. It sounds like a good one!
This post probably spoke to more people than you will EVER know. Thanks for this!!!!
Loved this post. It is a great reminder that we all have our areas that we struggle with, even if we seem like we don’t. I think it is great and brave of you to share yours with so many people!
Hey Erin! I’m actually going to a Beth Moore teleconference this Saturday – maybe it’s the same thing? She won’t be there live, but it’s a webcast or something – I’m really looking forward to it. I don’t know one girl that doesn’t have some sort of insecurity with something, so I think it will be a great session.
Thank you for posting this! I see myself in every one of yours. I just bought the book and can’t wait to dig deep. I had been putting it off, I think I’ll start it tonight. Thanks again!
Wow, I’ll have to check this book out. Thanks for the recommendation.
I have a lot of the same issues on my mind; working on a body image post as I type this (rather, I’m procrastinating on writing that post) & struggling still to make friendships here (funny enough, wrote about that last week). It’s very comforting to read about someone going through similar issues.
Thank you so much for posting this, Erin. My pastor spoke recently on “holy confidence” and I felt convicted. Then, just a couple of days later, you post this. I think it’s time I high-tail it and pick up this book! You really posted this just as I needed it, and I appreciate you were so transparent.