Note: This is a follow-up to this post.
In the previous post about contentment, I made a brief mention about baby number 2. When will baby number 2 arrive? When baby number 1 arrives it’s inevitable that you have thoughts about how many years will separate your children, if you decide to or are able to have a baby number 2.
This has been on my mind a lot lately.
So in the middle of my blogging rut, this is one of the thoughts that always seems to be on my mind. Like a little clock going “tick tick tick.” Not that I’m in a hurry!
Hudson’s first birthday is coming quickly. Do I want to have baby number 2 before Hudson turns 2? I don’t think so. I’m really not looking forward to actually being pregnant, and I certainly don’t want to be pregnant when I have a 27 pound child that needs to be held and carried so frequently.
But it’d be fun to have baby number 2 before Hudson turns 3. And it would also be fun to have baby number 2 around the same time as some of my friends again.
Also, we’re starting to think about a fun 2011 vacation to go along with my super fun 29th birthday on 11-11-11. But, honestly, the fall of 2011 is the perfect time for me to be pregnant, in my eyes. I’m not even sure what God has in store. Why don’t I just ask him and let him take care of it?
Because right now I just want to think about marking dates on the calendar for this potential trip. If we take the trip to Napa, I can’t be pregnant. You can’t do winery tours when you’re pregnant! So I’ve got these thoughts going “do we get pregnant and have a baby before a trip like that or do we wait until we take the trip and then get pregnant? Even though that would make baby number 2 more than 3 years younger than Hudson?”
See what I mean? I think too much!
My last pregnancy was the biggest blessing of our lives, but it was always the biggest shock. I want to be ready for the next time.
I know I just need to stop, step back and let God take control, but there’s the part of me that struggles so much with doing that. I am a control freak. I like to plan. I love that road map for my life.
If this post makes it sound like my mind is spinning, then I wrote it exactly how my mind is working.
What consumes your thoughts that you wish you could turn off?
{ 73 comments… read them below or add one }
I wish I could turn off the “When am I going to fine The One? Will I ever fine him? Will I get married? How will I know? Have I already met him? When will we get married? Will it be too late for us to have babies?” thoughts.
Like you, I’m in no rush, but I like to have a map. I like to know where I’m headed.
For the longest time, I was fine with my singleness. I wasn’t worried about when I’d meet someone or when I’d get married. I knew I just wasn’t ready for it. Then, I met someone that I fell completely in love with and could see myself with. That door has closed, so I’m looking for the open window. The desire to have a partner was ignited and it’s not dying out.
Babies. All day, every day babies! I’ve had a rough year in that department and I thought it would get easier thinking about my health first, but nope, it’s still all babies. I want one so badly and all kinds of issues have come up to make that not happen and I get so flustered. I over think things too much. I totally know how you feel about your mind just spinning. Worst thing for me is my mind spins the MOST when I’m at work. Hopefully, your mind and my mind will get with it and settle down some.
I have to say that you’re blogging my exact thoughts. I have a 7-month-old and I’m not nearly ready to have another baby yet. The husband is, I am not. Good heavens. (He obviously gets to leave us and go to work every day!) Do we start trying again after 1st baby is one? Do we wait until he’s two? What if we wait until he’s two and we have a hard time conceiving? I’m certainly with you on this one! It’s tough!
I could have written this post. This consumes my thoughts right now too. I don’t even know if we’ll be able to have another one. My age complicates it all too. We can’t try for years because I would be 40. And I’m like you – Harper is 28 lbs and wants to be held ALL DAY – I can’t be sick or pg and be doing that. I keep trying to plan our life around it also. I need to let it go and let God decide for us!
Oh Erin, we are so much alike. We are planning a trip to Italy with my familty next March- but will this interfere with me being pregnant before my 30th birthday? Yes- so what do I want to do, etc. Why do I care if I am preggers before 30? Need to put it God’s hand and quit pretending like I can schedule my life. Easier said than done- especially with the way my minds runs at high speed at all times! I feel you!
I have the same thoughts as All-American Jess the first commentor.
To quote:
“I wish I could turn off the “When am I going to find The One? Will I ever find him? Will I get married? How will I know? Have I already met him? When will we get married? Will it be too late for us to have babies?”
These thoughts are on loop in my brain constantly. And I think because of that I tend to miss out on my life now. Contentment is hard. Trusting the Lord is hard. And even harder is just resting in knowing it will all work for the good and in His timing.
Choosing to go back to school and not have children for awhile consumes my thoughts a lot. BUT my choice to go back to school for my J.D. is for my children’s future. I’m sure one day he/she will understand why we waited.
My son is about a month younger than Hudson, and the “baby number 2″ conversation was one of the very first ones we had after he was born.
I’m like you, though, I don’t look forward to being pregnant- I wasn’t one of those girls who thought it was a breeze, I was blessed enough to have morning sickness at all hours of the day for the whole 9 months. So no, I’m not really ready to jump into that with a child to take care of as well.
We’ve tentatively scheduled a birthday trip to Disney World for our son when he turns 3, and are discussing trying for #2 after that- I don’t want to be pregnant & miss out on all the rides! Selfish? Maybe, but I’m the one who carries that load for 9 months, so I think it’s only fair I get to have a little fun before I’m turned into a walking incubator!
Did I just accidentally post my thoughts on your blog? LOL You definitely just said pretty much exactly what goes round and round in my head all the time lately! Including the: “how can I carry my 28 lb baby around if I get pregnant?!” I think the truest point though was that we really have to just surrender it to God. (Easier said than done, of course!) When we think about the significance of each life that God creates, He clearly has a specific time in history that He has planned for all of eternity for each of us to be born. I often think, if I had been born just 2 years later, I would have an entirely different set of friends, who knows who would have led me to the Lord or who I would have impacted… anyway… I thought about that a lot when we were trying to get pregnant the first time, and reading your post was really good for me to remind myself of it again as we start considering baby #2. On a practical side… I think we’ll never be 100% ready… especially not now that we know what we’re getting into. It’ll be a big adjustment whenever it happens, but it will surely be life-changing in a wonderful way! Thanks for your honesty.
I think as females we put way too much pressure on ourselves!! My thought was always have my first child right before 30 then another before 35. I’ll be having this one right after my 31st birthday. Things don’t always go as planned!! It seems there’s a lot of peer pressure too!! Wasn’t this supposed to quit after high school?
I got so many people asking when we were going to start trying I took my friends advice and told em we tried every night. You and Kelly are right..trust in God. This is one of the reasons I started blogging and following you two mommies in particular-listen to your own advice, its good stuff.
I wish I could turn off the “babies!” voice in my head. I want children so badly it hurts, but, we can’t even think about that right now since we’re going on month um, 18, of my husband’s unemployment. I worry that I won’t have children soon, I worry that I’ll never be able to be a stay at home mom, I worry that my husband won’t find a job… I’m a worrier. It’s so very hard to turn it all over to God. I try, I try my hardest, but, He made me a stubborn little lady and it’s that stubbornnes that prevents me from being able to “let go”.
I need to work on that.
I too have babies on the brain. I’ve gone off all of my Migraine meds to be able to get pregnant and now that I’m back to feeling awful all the time I just want it to happen quickly. And, I know I can’t let myself obsess over it, but I feel like we’ve only just started trying and already I’m “that” woman.
Add to that a big trip for a destination wedding for some very dear friends in a year and I’m wondering where we’ll be in a year. Sigh…
This is something that I constantly give back to God. Alex and I want a large family, but at our age, the thought of waiting several years between each child…we’ll be having babies into our 50’s! My Mom had 6 children and said that 2 1/2 -3 years between each child was perfect. A few of us were 2 years apart and she said that we weren’t ready to give up being the baby just yet. I keep that in mind as well. Right now, I just want Amelia to be an only child and to love on her and enjoy every single minute with her. I have to trust that when it’s time, God will allow us to get pregnant with a healthy baby and that I’ll have a healthy pregnancy (which is another worry that I have to give to Him!) Children are a blessing…no matter when they come. I do know that.
My baby girl is three months old and I just went back to work. Going back to work and leaving my baby everyday was/is the hardest thing ever! I so badly want to be home with her (we are lucky enough not to put her in daycare and her grandmothers and a dear friend watch her) and 24 hours a day I am thinking, if I were a SAHM mom could we make it on one income? My husband has a great job and does really well for himself, but is it enough for me to stay home? What if we couldn’t, then what? Would we be able to afford to have another baby if we only had one income? These are just some of the thoughts that invade my mind daily!
These are the kind of thoughts that go through my head on a daily basis. I’m 27 and I just realized that I want to go back to school, but it’s a 3-year program. If I wait to finish, that means I’ll be 30 before I have my first child. My husband is already 30 and is ready for a baby like, yesterday. But I’m terrified of starting the program and then life getting in the way and not being able to finish. Top it off with the fact that we move a lot for my husband’s job, so who even knows if we’ll be in one place long enough for me to finish anyway? My husband is so laid back and he just says, We’ll make it work! But I can’t stand the unknown…I guess this is something I need to give to God as well.
I’m going through the same mind spin. We struggled with infertility for Jackson. So, I don’t want to wait too long… I’m trying to let go and put the timing in God’s hands.
I never say it, because I have a child already and I know there are people who are hurting with infertility and have no children but I struggle with worrying whether me and my husband will ever get pregnant. We are going on over a year and a half of trying with no luck and it really was consuming me until just recently. I’m not sure if making the design choices for the house we are building took the place of that miscontent but I have actually felt more okay with just living in the moment lately and it feels really good.
I hope peace comes to you soon!
I am a HUGE thinker/planner/analyzer. Since W. and I are doing the whole long distance thing, I start looking ahead and thinking which weekends I’m going to see him (in an effort to avoid going too long!). I also start planning things I want us to do together.
I’m also jumping for joy over the approach of the school year, but I’m already planning things I want to do for next school year! AAAAHHHH!
Sometimes, I have to remind myself to breathe and just enjoy the moment. However, it’s fun to look ahead, especially with things aren’t so fun
Happy Wednesday, love!
I am 14w pregnant so all that’s on my mind lately is the baby. ALL the time, which is normal!!! It’s hard to have regular conversation with people when all I can think about it is this growing belly!!!
I worry about whether I should go back to school for a masters and when a good time to do it would be. I also worry about whether I’m getting too comfortable and that I’m going to miss an opportunity.
I have a 3 year old little boy who will be 4 in July. All the questions of “when are you going to have another one?” are sweet but at the same time, difficult. Our baby boy was a surprise also, so I want to plan the next one but at the same time I enjoyed the simplicity of not knowing… anyway, that was a rambling reply to say that I totally feel you on this one! God’s got it, doesn’t He? I wish it wasn’t so hard to rest in that!
Honestly, it’s planning baby no. 1. We’re constantly asked when we’ll start having children. Originally we said 3 years and then start now we’re taking that back and thinking maybe sooner. But then we have the issue of moving, jobs, insurance, money.. and ultimately all of our friends are starting to have children. Ughh!! I feel you, Erin.
As the other posters have said. I think we all have this thoughts. I’m a planner too and living the military life doesn’t fit into my OCD roadmap tendencies.
Hubs and I are planning for baby #1 and we are moving to Norfolk, VA in August, where I also need to find a job (while maybe pregnant?). Ugg…so not how I would plan our life if I could, but I also wouldn’t change my life for anything. I just have to remind myself to stop, breathe and sometimes let go.
Good Luck with planning and letting go w/ God!
I’m the SAME way! We were “planning” when to get preggers with our second baby and I was so stressed about how the calendar would look that it took me a year to relax and get pregnant. The best advice my husband said to me during this time was, “Just breathe.” It reminded me to take a minute and remember that God has a plan already mapped out and His way would be so much better than all my “planning.” It took us a year to get pregnant and everything is just the way God planned and I feel so happy and content with all my blessings. I hope you will be able to relax and let go a little. Everything will work out according to His plan.
But I totally know how hard it is to let go of all that!
I too had baby-on-the-brain right after my little one turned 1 in March. It was consuming my thoughts and hubs and I talked it through and decided to wait until July to start trying. I often thought about handing it over to God as well, but that’s still so scary for me. Well, I realize now that God can really take the control whenever he wants…cause I am pregnant with our 2nd, who surprise, was conceived in March!
I don’t normally post comments but here’s my 2 cents: If Fall 2011 is the perfect time to be pregnant, perhaps there is a different, more pregnancy-friendly trip that you can take to celebrate your 29th birthday! You will have other birthdays and opportunities to go wine tasting – but your preferences about family spacing may be less flexible.
I really should not be thinking about babies AT ALL. There is a million and one reasons why it’s not the right time, and will not be for a long time. I don’t even want a baby right now. I would be pretty much devastated (for a little while) if I found out I were pregnant in the next year or two because of the enormous strain it would put on our budget (I don’t even have maternity insurance!), and also our relationship (re: not being ready) and the point where my husband is in his career (SO not ready for the extra demands of a baby). BUT, I see a baby, and I feel this deep, physical longing for a child. It’s the craziest thing ever, to want a baby so badly, and to not want a baby so badly.
I think Emily above has a good point. Maybe it’s the wine tasting that’s the problem
The next big challenge. I have all the kids I’m going to have. (Husband had a little day surgery to make sure we were done with our 3rd.) My kids range in age from 4 yrs to 10 months. Life is sooo busy, but it’s getting easier every day. Sadly I’m so comfortable with chaos that I am consumed with finding a new challenge to take on.
I also struggle with turning off the control freak side of myself and just letting God’s plan happen, so I can 100% understand where you are coming from. When there’s so much going on in our lives it’s so hard not to want to plan everything to a T and it’s even harder to just stop and yield to His plan.
If 2011 is the perfect time for another baby, then I’m sure the Napa trip can come for another birthday (maybe the big 3-0?) and ya’ll can find a trip that would be great for an expecting mommy (spa resort, maybe?).
Oh my goodness. I completely understand where you are coming from! Baby #2 consumes me as well. I’m not even sure I want a baby #2 because Husband and I are so active. We love Lallie so much and just couldn’t imagine another and we live so far from family, we want to provide her with the very best, which means money. Plus, with baby #2, our social and active lives which Lallie is very much a part of, would definately slow down. Plus, I want to continue working. In addition, I have multiple miscarriages before Lallie. I’m getting older etc. I keep thinking that I want the baby, to hold, to dress, to carry, to nurse, to rock to sleep, but I don’t want everything else that comes with it. I completely understand, it consumes me. And I like you, try to schedule everything. Let me tell, when you have 4 miscarriages, this can be very difficult to understand. I have a very hard time with this one, giving it up to God. I really should just buckle down and just give it up!
Sorry for the rant!
My hubby and I are currently trying to get pregnant, so that consumes my thoughts a lot. I have polycystic ovary syndrome, and though the doctor has told me there is no obvious reason I can’t conceive, I think/worry about it a lot. Being OCD as I am, it is an ongoing effort to learn that I must put things in God’s hands as well. Take comfort in the knowledge that you are not alone in your thoughts and concerns.
So funny you posted this because I’m OBSESSING about it! Mine is 14 months old and while i would love another baby i REALLY REALLY REALLY don’t want to be preggo. Crazy huh? I feel like I just got back to ‘me’ and those first few months are ROUGH. Everyone says my next child will be a ‘good’ baby, but I’m going to need that in writing!! I think when the time is right I will just KNOW.
I TOTALLY feel you here. And can follow you completely. No crazy head spinning confusion from this reader. I have been thinking the same things, but about both babies #1 and #2. I’m already 3 years past when I wanted to start my family – thanks go God and seminary. But now we’re winding down our time in seminary and thinking about starting a family. My new goal became 2 kids by 30. But I’ve always said I’d return to Australia after graduation from seminary AND I want to take a trip to Napa, too…but how do I fit it all in in 2.5 years before the big 30? Hrumph! Okay, God…lead me, please!
Seems there’s never a “good” time for the second one! Mine are 21 months apart and there are definitely challenging parts to my day! I taught my youngest to climb and do other things to help during my pregnancy so I wouldn’t have to lift him so much. You’ll find ways to be creative, too! Moving to another city is what consumes my thoughts every day and how I will ever get it all done with a 23 month old and 2 month old!
I completely understand how you feel, we are no where near ready to have baby #1 yet even, but my current job situation is causing to think about a 3-4 year timeline and it’s really stressing me out. The situation is way too detailed to explain, but it’s something that for me, I want completely finished before we have children; however, if I don’t go back to work as a teacher after we have children will be a HUGE waste of time and money. I too wish I could come up with a “life” plan, but unfortunately its unrealistic.
I had the exact same thought process when we started planning for #2. I wanted our kids to be about 3 years apart, so when we started trying that would have put the baby being born around Sept. Well needless to say we didn’t get preggers right away and after 2 months I was begining to get nervous, because I didn’t want the baby to be born in December and January was our son’s birthday, so if we didn’t get pregnant soon we would have to stop for a while (see, you’re not the only one who thinks like that). Luckily, we got pregnant after 2 months of trying, which was perfect. I also found out I was pregnant on the last day to sign up for benefits at my work, so it really was perfect timing, well, God’s timing, which is always perfect. Also, she was born on 11-12-09
Will be praying for you…everything will work out!!
Completely random. I found your blog and realized that you live in Columbia, SC. So do I. I also saw that you went to visit Amy in Atlanta. Amy is really good friends with my cousin that lives in Texas…
Small world.
Yet another way we’re very alike – my mind is constantly “on” and spinning! To many things to list but rest assured, you are not alone
I like to plan as well. Our first little boy was semi-planned. We were not trying (i.e. watching ovulation, taking temp, etc) but we were not stopping either. Once my son turned 1 we discussed that age difference for number two and all the reasons you listed. I didn’t like being pregnant or the shape it left my body in, so I was working extra hard to lose more weight. We had a trip planned to an all-inclusive resort in Cancun. I was losing weight for the trip, planned on having a few pina colodad’s by the the pool and than get to work on baby number 2 after that. I found out i was pregnant 2 months before our trip. It was a complete shock. Why 3 or 4 months earlier would be such a shock, but it was. I wanted my time for a bit. God obviously had other plans. Now my boys will be 2 years and 3 weeks apart. I am having another July baby, I got virgin drinks by the pool and i just have to trust that the Lord’s timing is much better than mine. Everything will work out for the best…but life sure does leave you wondering.
I am such a planner and we are going to be trying for our first baby in about a week (I’m charting so I know when things need to happen lol). Getting pregnant totally consumes my thoughts when I have a free minute and I constantly worry about having trouble conceiving, getting pregnant then miscarrying it, etc. As a teacher, timing for the baby is important because I don’t want to go back to work once I give birth, so I’d need a late spring or summer baby to do that, so the months we can try with that result are important and it puts more pressure on us.
Anyway I could go on and on about this, but it will turn into a huge rambling comment, so I will just say that I am trying to just remember that God has a plan for us and we will get pregnant when He wants us to. It’s hard to be patient and not worry though!
we have the same birthday only I’ll be turning the big 3-0 on 11-11-11! I totally understand how you feel but my think too much is work related to make a change or not make a change?!
I find that the 23rd Psalm always helps me to relax. In particular this part “surely goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life.”
My husband and I took a trip to the wine country to “work on baby #2″ and had a wonderful time. Our children are 3 years apart and it was the perfect age difference for us. Two children are much harder than one and often during those difficult times, I find comfort and peace in the memories from the wine country.
Thank you for sharing and thank you for your honesty. At 29 weeks pregnant, my mind swirls around going back to work. I have student loans from law school and I pretty much have to return to work. We could maybe afford for me to stay at home, but it would be too tight for comfort. I just can’t let it go.
I am also feeling a lot of hurt over the way some of my closest girlfriends have distanced themselves from me now that I am pregnant. Yes, they are single, but it seems like we should still be able to relate and enrich one another on some level. As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend.~ Proverbs 27:17
I know your blog is for you and you did not ask for this advice, but why not take the Napa/Sonoma trip this year for your 28th birthday? My friends and I have taken this trip as our girl’s trip for the past two years and it is a ton of fun. Why wait?
Pregancy is definitly NOT consuming my thoughts lately, but lots of other things are, especially in the career department. I am at a place in life where I am deciding on if I want to stay where I currently am or move on. I agree that the best thing to do is to give it to God because we can’t plan out the direction that our lives are going to take, but I am definitely guilty of trying to take over and plan.
or you could be like my mom and it be 7 years before you have another one! and she turned 40. how about a SHOCKER!!! (she had miscarriages/unable to conceive after me! so needless to say it was a miracle accident! hah!)
I think the silver lining to a surprise first pregnancy is that you get to avoid all the over-thinking about if/when/how it will happen. SO much easier that way. Now, if only I could PLAN to have a surprise pregnancy when all the pieces will magically fall into place! As you can see, I also need to sign up for a course on how to turn off my inner calendar. I have no answers for you at all.
Let go and let God, girlfriend, let go and let God. I know it’s so hard! I loooove to plan and really want babies and to go to Napa, and it will happen for you in due time, if God has it in His plan. And I know you know that and I am so grateful that you share your worries with us. Keep your chin up! I loved your last post too, about being anonymous etc. I feel you. Take a deep breath and enjoy all of your blessings!
Erin, it’ll all work out like it’s supposed to! You are still young (I am only 26 and thoughts of baby number 1 are starting to consume my mind) If you want to wait longer for baby number 2, Hudson will just be that more older, settled, and able to help out with the baby. My brother, sister, and I are all 5 years apart. Prayers to you and your family!
Turner
With Gillian Grace’s first birthday approaching in July this has been on my mind constantly. I’ve always said I wanted my children around 2 years apart, but now I just don’t know. I’m praying about this a lot and looking for God to give me the answer I’m seeking. I’m sure when the timing is right, like you, I will just know! Good luck…
I think I could write this post today about my thoughts on baby number 1! I WISH I could get pregnant on accident… but due to medical issues that’s just not a viable option. You were blessed with Hudson and I’m so glad that you can see that!
Oh, virtual hug! I really could have written this post as well. J is 16 months as of yesterday and I always wanted my kids to be 2.5 years apart. I’m a planner like you, what can I say. We have so much in up in the air right now. I’ve been stressing about it all week. If we stay here in the city, I have to go through the crazy preschool application process starting Labor Day. If we leave, where are we going? Do I really want to be pregnant in the middle of a move. And what about my BFF that is about to get engaged and wants to have a wedding in Italy…can’t be pregnant in the Italian wine country! I had a pretty tough pregnancy, sick for all 9 months…am I ready to do that again? So many of my friends with kids J’s age are getting pregnant and it makes me feel like I should too. I know that is silly, and I need to leave more up to God and quit worrying. But, my mind is all over the place. Whew! Thanks for letting me vent back!
While I agree that God is in control and we need to “leave it to God” to use a term, I also think it’s important to consider and make a decision as well. I too am in the same situation (my firstborn is nearly 1) and *unfortunately* we already have to be thinking about where we want to go from here-child #2 wise. I can’t say that I exactly enjoy consternating over it, but I’m not sure that not making a decision will help the situation either. Does this make sense? I trust that whatever decision we make, God will have a plan mapped out.
I don’t know if you’ve ever heard of the book “Calm My Anxious Heart” by Linda Dillow, but it is such an amazing book! She uses a ton of scripture and the whole book just really hits home! I’m a newlywed and already anxious about when children when come into our lives! I highly recommend this book to any women I can! It truly has helped calm my anxious spirit! I really hope you are able to enjoy this book! God’s will always has perfect timing!
It’s so difficult to just let go sometimes. I am a huge planner, and from what I read about you, you seem to be too, so it’s going to be a lot harder for people like us. I had to stay a semester longer in college, so finding a job stressed me out 24/7! But I learned that I just had to leave it up to God and it would all work out. And it did! 2 years later I sometimes think back and laugh about all of the freaking out I did, but then I remember that it was kind of worth it. Just when I thought everything was going down hill I met my husband. Even at the worst of times He has a plan for you.
Today we are struggling with how long to stay in our home and if we made the right decision about buying a home right away. I worry about money way too much, but worrying gets me know where. I just have to let it go and watch it all unfold. I seem to say it so easily…now if I could just follow what I say everything would be great!
Oh goodness! I could relate to the first post you wrote and I can absolutely relate to this one too! My struggles are more in the home/babies category too. I am so excited about working towards buying a new house and having a baby that I need to just stop and enjoy the moment… Easier said than done, but I am working on trusting in God more and not in my own plans!
I have a 2 1/2 yr old little boy, who was concieved the month we started trying, not b/c I was ready, but b/c I knew I’d never be ready! I had been putting off trying for another b/c (1) I thought it’d be as easy as before, (2) I wanted to focus on my adorable child, and (3) it is a LOT of work!! Well, now that we have been trying for 18 MONTHS!(fertility tx and artificial inseminations for the past 3 mo.), I am a little worried. Now I am really feeling sad that my precious little boy who would be such a fantastic big brother, might not get the chance. It breaks my heart when I see how sweet he is with my friends’ babies. he just loves them. I took for granted how easy it would be for us. I do believe God will give us another child, but it is a struggle. I am not saying it won’t happen easily for you(I am 34, you are much younger), but just something to consider, it might not happen as quickly as you hope when you do decide to try. There are so many things that we have passed up doing, b/c we thought, “oh, I’ll be pregnant by then” (we had no clue, really). … So I guess what I am saying is, go on your trip sooner, then if you end up pregnant during your birthday, plan a different preg-friendly trip for that time. this way you don’t miss out on anything and your 29th will be just as fantastic b/c you will be expecting! I know this is such a hard thing, good luck! I am sorry this is so long!
I can’t decide if I want another one. I would love for E to have a sibling, or a couple, but omg, when I think about going through that process again. Ugh. Then we’re thinking about moving, but if we move then we have to find someone who does what our specialist does if we do want to have another one. And I love my specialist. I only want to work with him. It’s all so confusing. See.. I have no idea what I want.
I say you play it by ear. That’s what I do. Of course then you might be showing us a positive pregnancy test next week.. =)
Wow, this subject has been weighing heavy on my mind and heart too! Baby A is 15 months and so we are starting to have the talk of when to have another one. My brother and I are 2.5 years apart and my hubby and his brother are 5 yrs apart. My hubby really does not want the children to be more than 3 yrs apart – and I agree. However, I am in your boat, having to plan around a date. My cousin is getting married in Oct 2011 in the Keys! She has asked me to be her MOH and asked Baby A to be the ring bearer. So obviously, I don’t want to be preggers for that wedding! I naturally thought we would start trying after the wedding. Baby A would be close to 3 though… and then what if we don’t get pregnant right away, and it takes a while… then the children would be more then 3 yrs apart. And if it does end up taking a while, I don’t want to kick myself for the fact that we waited till after the wedding to try. So, I am leaving up to God and praying really hard about it.
Thank you for being so brave to really speak your heart on your blog! When it comes to topics such as this, it helps to know you are not the only one questioning it and going through it!
My little one is almost 2 months now, and I already have been thinking about the “plan” for baby 2. It is so hard because babies can’t completely be planned no matter how hard we try. And while I want my kids to be fairly close in age, it will take some time for me to mentally prepare to be preggo again.
Erin – I just found your blog in the last month or so (love it, btw). But this post, along with Volume 1, has really spoke to me. I am 31, will have been married for 2 years this fall, and am so ready for the next thing on the checklist… a baby. My husband is younger than I am and isnt quite as ready. I spend my days thinking about the best time to get pregnant and what if it takes years and i’m 36 before we have the first one… would i be able to have another one? Would i be ok with just having one? or not having any? (that thought is hard to even write, let alone actually contemplate) Why can’t I give up the control? Trust that God’s ways are always right – even when they dont seem to match my expectations?
The irony in this is that at the end of college i looked around and realized that there was this mass pairing up happening – people rushing down the isle just to check it off the list. For some reason at that point in my life, God gave me the presence of mind to know that i was doing the same thing with my then boyfriend of 5 years. And as much as i tried to convince myself otherwise (cause im stubborn) – i knew it was true. I broke off my engagement to him, moved out of state and trusted God had a plan for me better than i could even imagine. It took 4 years before i met “the real one” and another 4 years for the wedding to happen. But it was so worth it.
I know that waiting on God’s timing with kids will produce results better than anything i could plan or schedule, etc. But i’m having such a hard time just letting it go. It is nice to know that i am not alone in these thoughts and patience while waiting for God is not just my stuggle.
Thanks for sharing openly – and for allowing the rest of us to share as well.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Lately I have been over analyzing when to have our first baby. I always planned to start my family before 30….but I turned 30 last fall and still no babies. My husband is in school and wants to finish before we start our family, but that’s at least 2 years away. Now he is considering an opportunity to study abroad, which is amazing….but when does my baby fit into this picture?! I know I should trust in God that He has an amazing plan for my life, but it is so hard to let go of the worries. I feel so much better just reading everyone’s comments and seeing so many other women with the same concerns/worries.
Our house is on the market & I am constantly analyzing everything. Patience is not one of my most abundant virtues & I’m just ready for things to happen! I’m learning I really don’t do well when things are out of my control (as if I had ever really been in control
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BEB,
Just read your blog per my norm (your blog is my daily do)! My goodness, I feel like God always seems to talk to me when I can indeed listen to him.. I too, have been really having some things laid heavy on my heart and seem to be struggling with them. I have been married for 4 yrs in September to the love of my life and we just celebrated our 8 yr dating anniversary! We have a home, he is securely employed and we have a very supportive family network. I recently graduated from college with a marketing degree at the ripe age of 27… And have had alot of difficulty securing employment post graduation. Everyday common sense says I should be looking and trying to find a job since it only make sense to use my degree after trying so hard to complete it. But for some reason God has laid a strong desire for starting a family and making my family my number one responsibility. I know a career is important but find that I feel my calling has been to provide for my family in other ways. My hubby is approaching 30 very quickly and isn’t as keen to the idea of starting a family just yet.. I think as women we try very hard to keep everything in line with our personal timing.. And yet God has a differant plan .. I too, am trying to make sense of all of this.. as I always thought we would be done having children by 30 so we could just focus on settling in during our 30s and 40s.. As I am approaching 28 I don’t think this is going to happen.. But maybe God has something even better in store for us??? Wishing the best for you… I know you will rest in Gods divine plan because he always knows the best way!!
I have been having the exact same thoughts. My youngest is FOUR now, and I want another baby SO badly, but I sit and wonder when would be the best time… Only to think myself in circles about the whole ordeal! My girls are 2.5 years apart and I think it is a WONDERFUL spacing between them. They truly are the best of friends, and it makes me think “Oh no, did I wait too long? How is it going to work with at least 5 years between the youngest and a baby?”
It’s absolutely no consolation, but thinking these thoughts just lead me back to what I know I’ve got to do… Let go! He will let us know when the time is right!
Erin- I love the honesty of your posts. I thought about your “contentment” topic when I saw the new Sex & the City 2 trailer. I mean, when Carrie has Aidan, she wants Big; when she has Big, she wants Aidan. Charlotte prays for children for years and now she can’t wait to get away from them for vacation. I thought, will these women ever be content?? But I have definitely been there (I wanted this job but I want to be back in South Carolina, for example) and think it’s normal to feel this way sometimes. That’s what keeps us working to achieve things we hope to achieve and become the people we want to be.
Sally (or SallySue)-
Your email wasn’t an actual email address, so I had to post this for you here:
I’m not saying that I’m going to sit back and not live my life or make decisions. I’m just saying I’m not going to worry too much about it and I’m going to live my life and do what I want, while praying that God will take us down the right path. But maybe Napa isn’t the best destination for us in the fall of 2011.
I just started reading your blog! Its funny that this is the *second* post I’ve read being that we are trying to figure out when to add the *second* child to our family. I think to much too! It’s not just you. A lot of my friends are contemplating the same question, and recently every playdate has revovled around that same very question.
We have friends who’ve already had 2 children, and keep trying to tell us *that magic number of months apart to have our children*. So, I can completely relate to this post.
As to the answer….we are still contemplating. Our daughter turned 1 at the end of February. We are thinking a spring baby would be nice, but a late summer baby would be nice. Eventually, with time you will figure it out as will we. I’ve been told you just know when it is the *time* is right. Your body/mind tells you. Good luck!
I always had the thoughts of when the right time would be to get pregnant with our second. I love being able to plan everything out too. We were surprised with our first, so I wanted to be more than ready for the second when the time was right. They are just under 3 years apart and I highly recommend that age difference.
Jake was fully potty trained shortly after she was born, thank goodness. I cannot imagine buying diapers for 2. Plus, at his age, he is able to communicate with us and let us know if he needs something or can tell us when something is wrong…which is a huge help. 
Erin – I love your blog. I feel like I can relate to so much of what you say. I am so thankful that there is someone out there! I am not necessarily on the baby train seeing as I am not married yet. My singleness is something I struggle with daily. So many of my friends are getting married that it is hard not to feel all alone, especially when my family pressures me regularly to find someone and get married. I know that God indeed has a plans for us, just wish He could clue us in!
My boys are 3 and 1/2 years apart and they are the BEST of friends. It was a PERFECT gap. One was in pre-school when the other was born so they both got to have me all to themselves for their babyhood. They are very close but not very competitive. it is a great age spread. Just sayin……
BEB,
Good for you! That’s what I’m talking about—making your decision all the while in prayerful consideration of God’s will.
I think perhaps you misunderstood my post. (Yes, it was a bogus email–didn’t want to put my personal and only email out in the public, sorry). I think as believers so many times we’re told to “Give your decision to God” etc, and for someone like me who has a hard time making decisions, that’s needed a lot of clarifcation. What does it actually look like? Does it mean I pray and pray and consternate and make a last minute stressed decision b/c I still don’t feel I have the *right* answer? Or does it mean I weigh my options, every prayerful and mindful of the Lord, make a decision and then hope for the best?
What I’m trying to say is that of course I believe in “giving it to God” but I feel like that phrase gets tossed around communities of believers without an explanation of exactly what that means. For indecisive people like me, it has meant that I stress and stress and don’t make a decision until the last minute b/c I have a very difficult time discerning what the *right* decision is. (Even through prayer and bible scripture studies, etc. Making difficult decisions is, for me, very difficult!)
That’s why I posted this comment–b/c it came on the heels of a Godly individual counseling me that indeed, God doesn’t always have just *one* right path for us to take. He gives us free will and desires that we communicate with him through prayer. And maybe, just maybe, he has two (or more!) different paths lined up, so that no matter what decision we make, he has already walked that path before us?
Does that clarify what I’m saying? I’m not criticizing your post, I was just trying to air some of my frustrations with decision making and following God’s will.
I can always PM you my personal email if you l ike.
Cheers,
SS.
Obviously I can’t help you with this dilemma from personal experience but I do know that getting pregnant around the beginning of year 2 seems to be a really good time. That way, they are old enough to walk some, communicate, are already beginning (or are) potty training. My brother and I are 2 years, 9 months apart and that was close enough we had things in common but far enough apart we had our own lifes, friends, etc…
OH, and 11-11-11 would DEFINITELY sounds like thats definitely going to be your golden year!
I have been reading your blog for a while, but this is my first time commenting! I have been struggling with this one a lot lately. I have a Bachelors degree; however, I am working in a job that only requires an Associates. I have been happily married for two years and my husband has a great job. We will never be millionaires, but we have a nice home and manage to maintain a comfortable lifestyle. Recently, I went to a wedding and saw several friends from college. They are all now doctors, lawyers, etc. and for the first time I felt really inadequate. I always thought I would go to grad school at some point, but I still haven’t figured out “what I want to be when I grow up.” I don’t want to waste time or money on a degree that I may never use or love. In the past, I gave myself a deadline to make a decision about school– well at this point, I’ve past all of those deadlines and I still haven’t made a decision and I’m still working in the same job. Maybe I’ve become too comfortable? Now my husband and I have reached a point where we are discussing children, and I get so excited about the thought of starting our own little family! But if I am ever going to go back to school I feel like maybe I should do it before having children since I know it’ll be a lot harder after babies arrive. The thought of waiting another 3-4 years to start a family though makes me very sad. So I don’t know what to do at this point, and I really wish I could just feel “content” and be happy with who I am and what I do, and just trust God to take control. I think contentment is something that everyone struggles with at some point.