Now that I’m a stay-at-home-mom, most days I feel so much more tired and overwhelmed than I did when I was working. The 24/7 care of my precious son and all that this entails plus home maintenance. And let’s not forget some of the responsibility that comes along with blogging.
I feel the need to answer questions from reader left in my comments. I feel the need to clarify misconceptions– especially when someone attacks my family. I feel the need to respond to emails– especially the ones from some of the kindest people to ever come in my path who have opened their heart up to me.
But sometimes I just feel tired.
I’ve considered doing one of those “unplug” days where I don’t check emails, blog comments, Twitter, or Facebook. Sometimes when I log onto Twitter for the first time in four hours, I feel like I have to go back and catch up to see what I missed and make sure I respond to everyone’s questions.
There’s only one explanation of why I do this: I care too much about what people think about me.
I don’t want a reader to think that I didn’t appreciate the email or that someone’s question isn’t worth answering. I will put some of my priorities on the back burner so I can take two hours to sit, without interruption, and respond to email, comments, and Tweets.
I know other girls that have struggled with this, too, and have conquered it by “unplugging.”
But my concern about what people think doesn’t just end there with blogging, emails, and Twitter. I generally spend too much time and worry caring about what people will think if I do this or that. I can’t even think of anything specific that I worry about, but I do know that it can be paralyzing. It’s worry about wardrobe stuff. Or did I tell a joke that wasn’t funny? And if I go a couple of weeks without having a chance to speak to my friends, are we going to lose touch completely? Will they think I don’t care?
I generally put way too much pressure on myself– which has been completely exposed in a few of my blog posts.
There are obviously much more important things to spend my time praying about. My mom is facing cancer. My child has Hand Foot and Mouth Disease. (A recent diagnosis from today that will hopefully be gone by Monday.) A sweet friend of mine lost her precious baby and he went to be with Jesus.
And I do feel incredibly blessed. I don’t need a pep talk. But I do feel a lot of pressure to be something to everyone who needs me. I need to please. I’m a first born.
But it’s time to stop and breathe. It’s time to listen and know that I am bringing this on myself and there are ways to cut it out of my life. It’s time to stop borrowing trouble from tomorrow, as my wise mother says. I need to eliminate the pressure and worry, enjoy the beautiful world around us, and just be.
And from Matthew 6:25-27
“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?”
Do you struggle with this, too? Or am I the only one that is going to get premature wrinkles and gray hairs from worrying too much? (see… I’m worrying about premature wrinkles and gray hairs!)
{ 73 comments… read them below or add one }
Girl, you know I struggle with it. I, too often, care that I’m not enough…smart enough, good enough, pretty enough. It’s a heavy burden to bear and I’ve been doing my best to shrug it off! Any time you need someone to tell you that you are doing a great job and that you are a woman worthy of being called “excellent”, you just give me a call. I know you and, even better, I know your heart. Those “haters” are just speaking out of turn or out of their own insecurities. We are ALL flawed people in some area of our life. If only we’d all be so honest to admit it this would be a better world!
Btw, I LOVE the family picture…it’s absolutely amazing!
I’m first born too and I know exactly what you mean. I feel the need to please everyone – and sometime this brings me joy – I love cooking a good meal for friends and family, I love making people laugh with a witty comment, I love keeping my home nice for my husband (with his help too), the list goes on, but it can be daunting to put all that pressure on yourself to always be the best. I dont really have any advice for you – I know you’ve got it figured out…it’s all about striking the balance and enjoying the pleasure you take from doing the things you do well.
I just posted today on EADL about needing to unplug (http://bit.ly/aYwV0b). I put a lot of pressure on myself, too, to always be connected. And we all worry about the opinions of others. But let’s make it a goal to find time to “just be.”
Most days I just feel exhausted. Being a SAHM is hard work!
Okay, you are not going to believe this…but I just read that EXACT passage today during my quiet time! How weird!?!
Just wanted to send a little encouragement your way. XOXO
You know most of this already but I’ll tell you again. I love your honesty, your loyalty, your wonderful and caring heart, the kind of friend you are (to me & others) and mostly the way you trust God. As a fellow first born, I still haven’t figured out how to worry about myself first. I’m working on it though! Love you, friend!
p.s. the picture is remarkably gorgeous!
You are definately not the only one to worry. I think as women, we take on a lot of responsibilities and sometimes it is hard to say “no”. I think balance is hard to maintain as a SAHM because we feel pressure to please everyone and do everything, from grocery shopping, cleaning, looking nice and being fit, to buying all the presents, managing the $, running all the errands, etc. And somehow, we always manage to put ourselves last. We don’t just go to work and come home and were “off”. It is a never ending job, and sometimes, we just need to stop, leave the baby w/ grandma, and take a breather! Even if it means from computers & such. This is the only way to recharge your batteries!!
Oh Erin, it’s like you took the words STRAIGHT from my heart! I so needed to hear this and know that I am not alone in my struggles. I have to die to self everyday and say Lord, may everything I say and do glorify you….. thoughts, actions, intents, etc….. I think you’ll be encouraged by the responses to this post and you’ll see that we’re all riding in the same boat with you!!!
Fellow first born here!! I totally understand 100%. I think it’s “normal”, even if kind of useless worrying. I need to take a breather and relax and just “be”, but, I don’t know how!!
PS. Gorgeous family picture!
Erin,
I’ve been reading your blog for awhile but have never really commented before (I’m a bit shy in blogland!). After reading your post today, however, I’ve decided I need to change that. I love reading your blog because it is so open and honest about the good, bad, and in-between things that come with life as a woman, bride, wife and mother. It’s hard to swallow criticism when you put yourself out there. I hope you know that I really enjoy reading about you and your life and I would hate to see you let some jealous, angry people with nothing better to do change what you’ve built. Hang in there – I think you’re fantastic!
Best,
Holly
PS – LOVE the Tracy Turpen photos. Too bad I don’t live in the south!
I struggle with this as well. A book that really helped me that may be a good one to add to your summer reading list is called “when people are big and God is small.” It’s hard to realize when we are doing it that that is exactly what we are doing. We put people and their opinions (or our made up opinions for them) before God and his opinion. I highly recommend this book. And please don’t feel like you have to send me an email back. Go hug your little man (or your big man:) )
that picture is TO.DIE.FOR!!! Gorgeous! I think alot of us feel this way and worry what others think about us. It’s hard to put yourself first but sometimes you just have to! Hope your little guy is feeling better soon
I’m the same way-you’re not alone! I even worry that I worry too much. Sigh…
I can absolutely relate. I spend so much time worrying and meanwhile, that time is precious and going by so quickly. I wish I could figure out a way to reeeally slow down and just enjoy.
Erin,
I can relate completely to how you feel about what people think about you. I’m sure you feel it 100% more than me because I haven’t had the guts to write a blog (i’m too boring) and I don’t have a baby or do twitter! You’re facing so much with your family and I think that one good thing about opening up to the blog world is that you and your family are now a part of so many strangers prayers. When I think about that it just gives me goosebumps and then peace.
Rob, my husband, always tells me that if I knew how little people actually thought about me I wouldn’t be so concerned with what they think about me. Now, he means that in the best of ways, and means to help me. But I think he forgets, or maybe doesn’t realize how much woman worry about everything.
I also worry that I worry too much! It has to be a woman/wife/mom thing!
My thoughts are with you and your family!
Katie
I’ve never commented on your posts before, but I read your blog and just want to say I think you are a very wise woman! I struggle with all the same things that you are dealing with as far as being a stay at home mom to a one year old, my identity, trying to pursue something on the side of being a mom but not knowing how, trying to please others. It’s nice to know that I’m not alone in this. At the end of a long, hard day-and at the end of a fun shopping, coffee outing, good naps kind of day-I often sit and wonder what I am truly living for? Why am I wasting my life trying to impress others, obtain a status, look a certain way? It’s my biggest struggle. Follow what the Lord is laying on your heart. We both know what life is about and that’s knowing the Lord more and bringing Him glory! Thanks for sharing with us!
I’m the oldest also and this is a constant struggle of mine….freaking out over every detail in my life-down to the arrangement of the dish-towels on the holder in my kitchen. This summer I’m really trying to carve out some “me” time. Every day for 1 hour-no phone, no computer..just me and a book somewhere quiet. It’s the quiet thats most important-where we can stop and reflect. I get caught up in all the unknown and negative when I forget how BLESSED I truly am!
Just wanted you to know that I’m praying for your mom. Family health problems are so scary! Hang in there and that pic is TDF!!!
1. Love the photo.
2. Thank you for putting words to SO many feelings I feel on a regular basis. I stop and remind myself (and pray for God to remind me) to enjoy my life. Enjoy ALL of my life, as much as I can. This is hard to do, you are so right!
I love your post …. I “used” to worry about what people thought about me, all the time. I honestly let it consume me and would worry if I hurt someone’s feelings, etc … but along the way, and as I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized I need to worry about what I am to one person only – Jesus. Sure, I take care of my family and try to be the best wife & mom I possibly can. I can relate with the family health problems, starting a business, etc etc etc …. it can get overwhelming way too fast. It’s important to stop and take a breath and soak in what the Lord has given you.
I love your family picture – it’s stunning. Absolutely stunning!!
All the time. And then I took a blogging hiatus and came back with a fresh attitude. I know now that I can’t (or won’t) respond to every email, tweet, formspring question, etc. I just don’t have time. I need to focus on ME and my family.
It’s not that I *don’t* care anymore. It’s that I *can’t* care. The judgment and hate and worrying was eating me up inside, and I just couldn’t do it anymore.
It’s freeing actually.
HUGS. I love you so so so much!
People pleaser/ worrier all the way!!! (Middle child. Needs approval. Maybe I should see a therapist. ha!)
I just finished making a casserole that I’m going to bring to my sister tonight b/c she just had a baby, and I’m freaking about that. She’s family for cryin’ out loud. I shouldn’t stress over making her dinner. But I worry that I oversalted it, I’m not a good cook, her older kids won’t eat it, and she’s going to have to throw it out and make sandwiches tonight. Blah blah blah.
I worry that I talk too much. I worry about what I say. I’ll go out with friends, have a good time, and then call them the next day to make sure that I didn’t say too much or that my jokes were funny and not offensive.
I’ll go to church and speak up in Bible study and then question my husband on the way home to make sure that the point I was trying to make made sense.
I’m planning my daughter’s 5th birthday party at the end of July. We’re having an Alice in Wonderland tea party with 5 of her friends. I handmade the decorations (So I’m super critical of them).And I had dreams last night about trying to find mismatched tea cups and tea pots.
I’m still nursing my baby who will be a year in 3 weeks. And as soon as I’m not sharing my body with her, I’m going to go talk to my doctor about getting back on Lexapro. I was on a very low dose before and it just took enough of the edge off where I’m not paralyzed by anxiety.
Not suggesting it’s the way to go for everyone. But it helps me not sweat the small stuff so much. I can worry about normal things, not about oversalting a casserole or a 5 yr olds birthday.
1) That is an awesome photo of you all!
2) No, you are absolutely not alone. I worry….. I worry ALL the time about pretty much everything. My worrying turns into trying to control things and then, I start to have anxiety and panic….. http://allamericanjess.blogspot.com/2010/06/control-and-illusion-of.html
I’m not really sure why we all put so much pressure on ourselves. Am I doing this right? Will this happen? What if I forget that?….. it goes on and on and on. I don’t really know what to say to make you feel better, but know that you aren’t alone!!
Wow, this is a heavy post.
It’s hard to keep everything going at all times and when you do step away, it’s sometimes hard to remember what keeps you here.
The support from these women that we don’t know in person, but read their blogs is unreal. They have so much love to share and give…
Also, I CANNOT believe your note about Megan! Her blog isn’t updated to say that, from what I could tell and I cannot believe that Cohen has passed. That’s really weighing on me right now… thank you for sharing.
Also, thank you for always responding to my question comments!
Erin, Can you tell me where you purchased the drink containers that were used for Huston’s birthday party?
Erin,
I don’t have any wise words, but I do have some words from the heart. I’ve always admired you – your fabulous fashion sense, your job (at USC and now), your unbelieveably gorgeous hair, your blog….
I’m not as much into the blogging world or Twitter, etc, so I don’t know how hateful people can be on them. I think what folks need to realize is that we are all people. We all have our own insecurities and things to worry about. I wish people would show more empathy rather than tear someone down because they don’t agree with the choices of someone they probably have never actually met.
I am gifted in that I am not one that worries on a daily basis. I don’t know why, but I usually have the “roll with it” attitude. I do tend to spend too much time looking at the past and wondering why my life isn’t where I thought it would be right now.
This quotation came across my desk the other day and it hit me like a ton of bricks. I’m not a supporter (or critic) of the speaker, but here it is nonetheless:
“Yesterday is yesterday. If we try to recapture it, we will only lose tomorrow.” – Bill Clinton
Only God knows the plan he has for each of us and I need to remind myself of that everyday. God never gives us more than we can handle.
Hang in there girl. Hugs to you!!
Erin, I feel like we are from the same mold! The constant worry about what other people think can be so debilitating. I could have written this exact post about myself, however I am terrible about responding to everybody’s comments, tweets, etc. I always feel so guilty about it too
It is reassuring to know that other women deal with the same demons, and its true that we should remind ourselves that there are much more important things to focus our energy on. As another first-born, people pleaser, I know it is much easier said than done. As with most things, prayer and baby steps! I think as we get older (and wiser!) we realize the worry is too exhausting and we begin to let go of it.
Again, thanks for a wonderful post
Erin,
I blogged about this same thing, yours was written way more beautifully, this morning. It so nice to know other children of God worry.
I’m the oldest too, and I think it comes along with the role.
I pray for you and your family often, yall are precious!
Know, that there are many of us! You are not alone!
Thank you for being so honest and open on your blog, I’ve read it for a while and it really brightens my day!
peace and love,
LAH
Wow, do I relate! And I think every one of us can! I do feel that we (as a society) put a lot of emphasis on outward appearances, which tops my list of struggles. It’s not just my weight or my clothing choices or how much I’m volunteering or posting to my blog – although these are certainly things I think about. We have – by choice – made some big lifestyle changes. We have set some major financial goals, so we make different spending choices that align with these goals. I make certain choices because I want our family to be healthier (food, soap/cleansers, less plastic, etc.). I have chosen to simplify our life so that we can enjoy being together without the burden of ’stuff.’ It may not be popular, but it’s working for our family. And that thought, in the end, is what helps me find peace when I’m struggling.
I love the scripture that you chose, and what your mother says about “borrowing trouble from tomorrow.” I’m going to keep those in mind for the challenging days. I’ll keep you, Hudson, your mother, and sweet Cohen’s family in my thoughts.
Just another way in which you and I are alike. My mom likes to tell me not to “borrow trouble” but I must admit, I’m pretty good at it. Maybe together we can stop our minds from filling with worry and concentrate on knowing that GOD is in control. I know, much easier said than done!
Hello…gorgeous picture! Do I get to see them again like last time? Pretty please….
Erin,
I am right there with you. I worry ALL the time. And, as a fellow first born, I am such a people pleaser. I know that I want to be liked. And that really, in the grand scheme of things it shouldn’t matter. But, armed with that knowledge, I don’t know how to change it. I *try* not to worry so much about work, what people think about me, and life in general, but I just can’t help myself. Now when I worry, I try to ask myself, “is this going to make a difference in 5 hours or 5 years?” This *sometimes* helps me calm down and take a step back. Or I just have a glass of wine. But if you figure out a way to not worry so much, please let me know. At the same time, it’s nice to know that I’m not the only one who worries so much (and I have worried about that too!)
Oh, Erin…my heart ached a little for you while reading this post, even though I do not know you but for through your blog. I, too, worry way too much about what other people think of me and my actions and I am working, slowly but surely, on worrying less. You are absolutely right when you say that other women worry about this…and it can be so hard and exhausting! For what it’s worth, I think you are doing an amazing job and you are such a brave person for having a blog and putting your life out there. There will always be judgmental people, but at the same time, there must be so many readers (myself included) who relate to your blog, your joys, your struggles, and are so thankful to feel…not alone in those things. So, thank you for your worrying because it makes me feel not so alone in my worrying and my struggle to worry less!
Erin – What great timing you have! This is something that I’ve been struggling with lately as well. As a firstborn (and a woman), it’s nearly impossible for me to not please every single person in my life…even if it means that I’m not pleased myself. I’ve given up plenty of myself (time, tears, emotions, etc) because it’s what other people wanted…not what I wanted or even better, what God wanted. It’s easy to say that “God is in control” but it’s much harder to live it and I think that most women would admit it’s a daily struggle. I just keep praying that God will reveal his plan for my life as needed and that I’ll be able to follow when lead. Outside of that, there’s really not much else I have to worry about
PS. LOVE the picture!!
I am the exact same way. I care way to much about what others think. It is getting better as I get older, but it is definitely still there. I CAN’T wait to see more pictures from your recent photo shoot. That one is amazing!
I feel like I could have written this post, along with the other one about feeling like you need to do more, minus the whole being a mom part! I totally empathize with you. It’s so hard to separate the outside world and worldly views with what’s really important. I appreciate your honesty on these things. It definitely comes back to being a first born. I am the oldest child and am the exact same way, always wanting to please.
Love the family pic! So sweet!
I am just like you (and a first born)! I worry about everything, small and large, and I worry about what everyone else will think of my decisions. I put everyone else before myself. It’s tiring!! Thank you so much for the Bible verse, I needed that reminder today! Good luck with everything!
I definitely think way too much about what others think of me. And it’s often about the little things. I worry about what others will think when I take pictures of my dog and there’s junk sitting on my couch in the background. HELLLLO! Who cares Rachel! But I still care. I’ll go move the junk and retake the picture. I definitely have worrying issues.
But the bible verse you put in here is right on. It is so trivial and useless to worry about the opinions others form about me, especially when it’s over silly things.
I love your friend and I’ll be praying for you and me with this issue. I see it as Satan attacking us when we allow ourselves to be consumed with worry. And we both know we don’t need that in our lives!
And btw…gorgeous family photo! Can’t wait to see more from your last shoot
Love that picture of you tc & hudson! Such a gorgeous shot! I feel the same way about having to catch up. I feel so overwhelmed when I miss a day or two and I have a hundred posts in my reader! I know my boyfriend gets so upset when I’m on blogs or twitter! Its hard to balance it all but I know I don’t want to push away someone who is right in front of me. I know I didn’t help much, but at least you know you’re not alone!
I am crying now for your friend, Megan. I can’t even imagine what she’s going through and how you, as a friend, can even begin to comfort her. My prayers are with all mothers who go through unspeakable tragedy like that.
I worry a lot, too, but over more “important” things than what people think about me. (Important things meaning financial hardships, finding decent childcare, etc.) But I love that you put that verse on today’s post because it reminds me that any amount of worry is pointless because God is in control always.
AND I do want to say that you are a SUPERSTAR at following up on emails. Give yourself a break! I don’t think most of your readers expect a follow up email and sounds like you are running out of hours in the day to get to EVERYONE.
Take care of yourself and those boys at home!
What a timely post. Our pastor is one week away from completing a 7 week sermon series titled “Why Worry”. I think this is on the hearts of lost of men and women…some who may not even know it until they stop and consider their lives. Thanks for speaking your heart, I’ll be praying you have freedom from worry.
That picture is stunning!
I think we all as women put a lot of pressure on ourselves to be everything to everyone. We want to be the best wife/daughter/mother/friend/employee/whatever it may be and sometimes it just all adds up. I hope you can get a little break from the pressure and worrying!
I don’t know why we (women, moms, people in general) put so much stock in what others think. Here is a quote I try to live by and have to remind myself of it when I start to consume myself of what others (friends, family, co-workers, strangers) might be thinking of my choices in life.
“What I must do is all that concerns me, not what people think.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
Oh man, I totally relate to this! I know I’ve gotten better about this, but man do I ever have a LONG way left to go. My mom always told me that other people are too worried about what everyone else is thinking of them to worry about you! I try to remember that when I start freaking out about what others around me are thinking…
You deserve a break, girl! What a hard-working wife, mother, daughter, blogger, friend, etc you are. I can only imagine how hectic your days must be. Selfishly, I look forward to your blog posts, but I really don’t know how you “do it all”! Take a break sweetie!
xo
I hear you on this. Why is it first borns feel and place so much pressure on ourselves?
First off, I love the Tracy Turpen photo. She does such incredible work. I wish there was a way for her to do work in Knoxville, TN! I would hire her in a flash.
Regarding this post, in today’s society, especially as a woman (working/not working/mother/non mother), it’s hard NOT to care what other’s think. It’s in our subconscious. It’s hard NOT to take a particular action without thinking about how others perceive you. I do it all day, everyday. It’s hard not to be this way especially when everyone has an opinion about everything and isn’t afraid to voice it or hide behind a computer and say it.
I recently went on a trip where I was out of touch for about 4 days. It was heaven. I have a phone that alerts me of texts, personal email, work email, school email, facebook, and tweets. It was such a relief to turn the thing off for a few days. Did I miss it? No. Am I glad I’m back in touch? Yes BUT there are some days where I want to throw the thing out the window and want to go back to the days where nobody could find me.
As a devoted blog reader (have saved many of your baby posts for when I have kids) and twitter follower, I would not be upset one bit if you said goodbye to everything for awhile and disconnected yourself. I know that Kelly @ Kelly’s Korner did it recently.
Do what’s best for you and your family. Disconnect if you feel the need!
You’re not alone… I feel ya.. and you know what?
You SHOULD take some time and unplug.. It’ll be hard, but you will come back feeling rejuvinated and your readers (including me) will understand if you don’t reply back! We do need you, but you also need yourself!
I TOTALLY get where you’re coming from. I am the exact same way…worrier, people pleaser, etc. I have to spend a lot of time in prayer about this one! Hang in there, girl!
The pressure we can put on ourselves can be daunting, for sure. As a first born myself, I understand the “need to please.” It’s stressful, never-ending, and just plain unfair. So, all I can offer is an acknowledgment that I/we understand. I’m (we’re) right there with you. And, if you feel like you need a break, then go for it. If your heart is telling you to unplug, then do it.
I love the verse you chose – it’s perfect and just what I needed to hear today. Thank you for that.
I can relate to you so much in this post! If I could change one thing about myself, it would be that I didn’t care at all about what other people think. My sister-in-law have this conversation all the time, and wonder why can’t we be those people who just do whatever they want because they want to, not because of what someone else might say.
Is that one of your new family photos I spy? They’re gorgeous, can’t wait to see more!
I have ALWAYS struggled with this same thing. I love the way your mom puts it. While I was reading this I was thinking of what I have come to the conclusion of this being – my way of avoidance. I am always thinking of something. For me when I have big topics going on like you do I tend to avoid thinking about them by thinking about other topics that may be time consuming and still important but not as important as the other topics that I am trying to set aside so they don’t consume me. That is just my theroy on why I do it. I also genuinely like people and like to do for people. As I have gotten older it has gotten a little easier expending my time on the people that truley matter. Good luck!
First off: is that you and your family in the photo? It took me a minute because I honestly thought it was a professional shot from a magazine! So beautiful.
I’ve definitely had to do the “unplug” thing. My career revolves around my cell phone and computer, and I work anything BUT the 9-5. Anytime a client wants something they somehow feel it’s ok to, whether it be 10am on a Sunday or 11:30 pm on a Friday night (and those are the nice ones). I, as well, seriously worry what people think about me, so I don’t want to disappoint anyone, but for my sanity it sure is necessary sometimes! I get so caught up in “which friends on my list do I need to call back?” or “have I responded to emails quickly enough?” or “have I sent my clients letters soon enough?” that it gets to be too much. Good luck with the new outlook, I’m sure it will be great.
And I hope your little boy is ok!!
First of all, AMAZING picture of your beautiful family. And second of all, I have WAY MORE gray hairs and wrinkles than you from worrying and people-pleasing.
Erin, I think you are fantastic just the way you are! I wouldn’t put too much pressure on yourself. Enjoy your life and don’t worry about the rest of us. You can’t make everyone happy and sometimes you have to do what you have to do.
I’m just like your girl! And, are those your new BEAUTIFUL pictures!? Can’t wait to see more (when you have time).
Erin,
Selfishly, I hope you don’t unplug because I love your blog. That said, if blogging is more stressful than fun for you, take a break for a little while. Your true friends and people who enjoy your blog will understand. It sounds like you have a ton going on in your life. It’s easier said than done, but take care of yourself first and it will be a lot easier to help others. You’ll want to instead of feeling exhausted. And don’t give yourself gray hair and wrinkles over the haters. They’re not worth it.
I think you and I twins!!! I have struggled with worry and anxiety about what others think from a young age! I still worry about everything and it drives me crazy. I always tell myself to let go and let God take charge.. I even know in the grand scheme of things it doesn’t matter what other people think or say about me. I still even worry about blogging and what ppl think about me if I don’t blog very often etc. You r an amazing person and friend and I love you very much! Praying for our friend Megan, huddy and your momma
You have to let it go….. You are a lot younger than I am and that is part of it. When I was a young Mom and wife, I cared more what people thought of me. As you get older you realize that it does not matter what people think of you. I don’t even give it a second thought. I cannot possibly respond to every question etc. As long as you surround yourself with good people (family and real life friends) and you know you are a good person living the life God wants you to live…what other people think is irrelevant. AND even if you treat every person with grace and courtesy….some people STILL won’t like you…because they are unhappy or jealous people. Live your life! It looks like a beautiful and blessed one (even with the struggles).
I can totally sympathize and empathize!
Another one I’ve run into is people like to use my comments section to criticize…they complain about the way my hair is, how I dress my son, why he still has a binkie even why he’s so pale (hello, have they seen me?!). It’s enough to put me in the looney bin if I were to let it bother me, which I used to. But at some point it all becomes to much and I had to let it go and let God deal with it, which is much, much easier said than done.
Hi! ME, too!
I totally understand , sometimes i feel like a slave to myself, b/c I know the only person who feels responsible for and worried about everyone else’s happiness/ or thoughts about me is ME! and then I get so tired of trying to keep up with this, that it all boils over and I rebel (for a bit, anyway) and everyone wonders whats wrong (why am I so crabby or inflexible)with me! AAAH!
as far as your blog- you have a huge following and it would be impossible for you to answer all comments. you do a great job in your posts, I think, of relating to and responding to everyone. although I have been touched when you respond personally to me, I am usually shocked b/c I know it takes a lot of time! maybe you could just pick a small # of comments you respond to each time, say 5 (or less) if it makes you feel better. nothing is more imp than your time as wife and mother and you don’t want to be stretched too thin! taking a day to unplug is a great idea! people will understand, and you can always add an explanation signature or something to the bottom of your posts so people know what to expect when they comment and hopefully, they won’t get offended if you don’t comment back.
sorry this is so long! but I need to also comment on your mom
I did read her blog and I am sorry that you are dealing with this. It is a very difficult and uncertain thing. Faith is all that can get you through. one wonderful thing is that by discussing it, you might be saving lives. Raising awareness and giving realness to the deadliness of melanoma is imp! lots of people will get that mole checked or start wearing sunblock and stop tanning b/c of you. My gf died of metastic melanoma (but he had mets at diagnosis and was end stage already). last yr my dad had a false dx of late stage colon ca. there was a 4-6 wk period of time where I had to face and accept that he might not be around for my toddler growing up. I don’t know how I got through, (well, Faith) and one step at a time, I guess. he ended up being dx with enormous abdominal and neck lymph nodes as sequelae from childhood scarlet fever. I was in disbelief for quite awhile after that, but now I try not to life for granted as much as I did before. And my heart is breaking for your friends’ baby and their heartbreak. they must be incredible people. that kind of loss is unimaginable and completely devastating. I will pray for them.
again , sorry so long! this is a mini novel!
Erin,
Thank you for sharing your personal feelings with us.
You are too hard on yourself girl! You are such a great role model for so many women! I’ve been reading your blog since you were first pregnant with H and some of the things you say really surprise me. On the outside looking in, I see a beautiful, confident woman with so many things going for her. You (me, all women) are the hardest judges on themselves and we’re our own worst critics. I do it every day-my clothes are not perfect, my body is not perfect, but then I have to think who should it matter to? Me. My husband. My family. My friends. They all love me for who I am. And if someone doesn’t, then it’s their loss. I am also the oldest and very much type A- everything has a place and what else can I do to make myself better. But being hard on yourself only makes you sad and no fun!
I guess out of all of this I just want to say that there are so many wonderful blogs out there that I look up to and yours is one of the firsts on my list. I know you are so thankful for everything you have and you have Jesus in your heart, I see that in your writing. Be confident in who you are!
Oh sweetheart. I have been reading you for ages but this is my first time commenting. Something my mom said to me once has really helped me with what you were saying in this blog. Warning it will sound a bit harsh but this is it, “No one is giving a moments thought to you”. Yes, I know, this sounds terribly mean and I almost cried but she went on to explain that everyone else is so busy worrying about their own stuff (similar worries to yours) that they are not giving a moments thought to a. what you wore, b. what you said, or c. if you have written them back or not. Cuz they are in their own world and you are in yours!!!! Pls know that you I adore reading you, I adore you, and I just want you to relax, you are doing SOOOOO much (most importantly caring for Hudson 24/7). Also, I would prescribe one day of being unplugged!!!! Listen to Cheryl Richardson “the art of extreme self care!” luv ya!!!!!
Hey Erin!
Thanks for sharing your heart!
I have not commented in FOREVER!!! I am sorry for that! I really want you to know how much I appreciate your openness! It is SO hard not to worry about what other people think! It puts it all in perspective seeing that beautiful picture of your sweet family! All that matters is serving God and taking care of your fam! Everything else will fall into place! This post was such a sweet reminder! Love that scripture!
you are not alone !!! I am a SAHM for the past 5 yrs & worry about EVERYTHING !!! I have an immediate family member who has gone thru a cancer journey too. While it makes me realize that life is so precious, I feel the need to make everything perfect, because I worry it will be gone tomorrow. For instance, when it’s my child’s birthday, the party has to be just fabulous, because I worry that I may die before he celebrates another !!!
Totally crazy & irrational ~ I know !!! But when you see someone you love suffer w/ a deadly disease, caregivers suffer too, emotionally !
So for rambling~ hope this is perceived in a positive light, as I meant for it to be !!!
THANK YOU FOR YOUR HONESTY !!!!
I think we might both have “firstbornitis”. We put too much pressure on ourselves. I was really down the other day about how I just can’t do it all. Between work, my family, and other obligations, I am just out of time. And drained. I worry about not answering every question or comment, but I just can’t. And when my daughter’s awake, sorry, but the computer is the last thing on my mind. I thought about taking a break from the social networking world for a while to just breathe.. Not there yet, but I am seriously cutting back. Don’t put so much stress on yourself. No one can do it all…
I love that picture of y’all!! It’s breathtaking!
first born, hand raised…I’m RIGHTTHERE with you.
Lots of worry out there, girls! Don’t do it! Love what you are, who you’re with, what you’ve got, where you’re gonna go when it’s over. I love you!
This is so true for so many of us. Thank you for always being so honest and true
Praying for you and asking God to give you peace!!
Love the pic of your precious family!!!
Oh girl, I do the same thing! Why is it so hard to just be yourself and not worry about what people think? Thanks for sharing your heart today!
Great post! I think this is something all women struggle with, even if we admit it or not! I love how open you are on your blog. I am new to the blog world but slowly catching on
I sent you a request to follow you on twitter, if you don’t mind.
THANK YOU for this post!! Seriously! You are NOT the only one at all. And I LOVE that picture of your family. So VERY cool.
Oh girl, i can so relate. If I don’t have something in my head to worry about, I feel strange. That’s actually why I take Effexor – because my anxiety got so bad, I worried constantly and couldn’t enjoy life. It’s just so crazy we end up being like this instead of concentrating on everything we have to not worry about and just have fun, but I think it is just part of a woman’s (and especially a mom’s) make up. And you better not reply to this comment…hee hee hee…love ya and thanks for your honesty – makes me feel like I’m not the only one dealing with it!
Love the pic – can’t wait to see the rest. It is magical.
Oh, Erin–I am so sorry to read that your mom has cancer! I haven’t been on here in a few weeks and have missed this. I am praying for your mom, for you, and your family.
I love the picture you posted, it’s just gorgeous.
I am a huge worrier and I have already pulled a couple of gray hairs over the last few months. *sigh*