I’ve used the phrase, “You can fight a bear for a little while” in a few posts of mine in the past. It’s something my grandfather always used to say and my mom would say it to me whenever I’d get scared of something or nervous about something.
When I’d get scared before going away to summer camp and I’d tell her I didn’t think I could do it, she’d say, “yes you can.You can fight a bear for a little while.” And it’s true. I’m tough. And God has shown me that more and more over the past few years.
I don’t just mean physically tough (although I have found out that I do have an extremely high pain tolerance). I have tackled some huge projects at work (well, my former place of work) and at home. Nothing I’ve ever been afraid of or nervous about has been as bad as I ever thought it would be. And I always survive.
But the two biggest “bears” I’ve been fighting are at home. And their names are Hudson and Hayes.
I’m only kind of kidding. The other day, my mom and I were in one of those family restrooms in a mall in Indianapolis so we could use the restroom and change both boys’ diapers. Hudson made changing his diaper really tough and he ended up screaming and thrashing around on the bathroom floor. Disgusting. Hayes was crying because he was wet and hungry, but we were trying to get Hudson off the floor. My mom and I were both doing the “tee tee” dance because we had to go so badly. And I just knew that everyone out in the mall could hear my kids screaming. And I just started laughing and couldn’t stop laughing.
After Hudson was born, if that had happened, I would have started crying in the bathroom with him out of frustration, fear, and embarrassment. But so far with Hayes, the only thing I’ve cried about were our breast feeding woes. I’m getting better at fighting the bears!
My sweet little bears are adorable, but they demand every single second of my day from me. I could be getting more sleep than I’m actually getting. I can’t blame the lack of sleep on Hayes. I stay up so late after he goes to bed just so I can finish all of the little things around the house.
But just as I’ve said before, it’s a season. God gave me these precious little lives to raise and nurture and sometimes there are moments where they are both screaming bloody murder and the house is as loud as it could possibly get. And I don’t even worry when that happens anymore. I actually giggle a little bit because I know that I can handle it, everyone is okay, and God is always teaching me something.
I’m so Type A and He’s forcing me to get over it. I’m getting over it and focusing on my family rather than the dishes or the laundry or the fact that dog hair is stuck to Hudson’s toes!
Getting a full night’s rest would be pretty awesome, but I firmly believe that each little phase in my children’s lives will send me running to the Father looking for wisdom. And I also believe that this age is the easy part. It’s only going to get harder, right? They’ll get older and I’ll worry about much more serious things in their lives than just how much sleep they’re getting and what caused the latest temper tantrum.
There are moments when I’m sad that I can’t focus more on myself. I don’t have the time to exercise the way I need to or cook the way I’d like to. I’d love to have a nanny a couple of days a week to watch them so I can get some other things done. But none of those things are my reality and that’s okay with me. I won’t receive a medal for raising my children and some day they may thank me. I’ll cry a little and a laugh a whole lot.
But every time I look at them during the happy times, I will smile and thank my Lord for blessing me with the two of them. And every time I look at them during the crazy times, I’ll just remember that I can fight a bear for a little while and God is going to get me through to the next phase.
Do not fear, for I am with you;
Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you, surely I will help you,
Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.