I’m a boy mom

Boy mom.

I hear this title used a lot. It’s not a title I ever thought I’d have. I always imagined myself having two girls and then having a baby boy. You know, when I’d play M*A*S*H in school and plan out my life with a mansion, a Ferrari (just like the one in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off) and my two girls and one boy.

I’ve been writing this post in my head for so long and I’ve just been afraid to put it all down. But I do want to talk about it.

When I first got pregnant with Hudson, I was convinced I was having a baby girl. I only browsed the girl aisles in stores and was looking at bows and sweet shoes. I would talk with my mom for an hour on the phone every day and imagine my life someday having the same conversations with my daughter.

And then we found out that we were having a baby boy. My first thought, if I’m being honest, was, “I don’t know anything about little boys. What do they like?”

But I figured it out. I figured out that he is mine and he is a perfect little person who has crazy wild moments and super sweet tender moments. After a day of letting it set in that I was not having a girl, I finally understood that the gender just did not matter at all. I mean, duh. This should be obvious, right?

With Hayes, I just always knew that he was going to be a boy. It was just a feeling I had. I knew that Hudson was going to have a brother and they would (hopefully) become best buddies. Hayes is so different than Hudson was because he, too, is his own little person. But I wanted him to be a boy. I knew that if another little boy was anything like Hudson, it would just be the best thing in the world.

I was talking with a friend the other day. She’s a boy mom, too. And we discussed the part of being a boy mom that is “hard.” It’s the pressure from other people. And there’s the “loss” and mourning of that future mother/daughter relationship when I’m 50 and I’m an empty-nester.

Because I’m in the social media world a lot, I get to eavesdrop on conversations. I have seen so many sweet friends announce their pregnancies and then announce the sex of their baby. And, I honestly don’t think I’m making this up, I see a lot of people say, “oh! I hope it’s a girl!” And that really hurts this boy mom’s feelings. Why would someone else hope that the pregnant gal would be having a girl? Why wouldn’t someone want a boy? What happened to just wanting a healthy baby?

And what about these statements from a pregnant celebrity/girl mom?

When I got pregnant with Hayes, I felt this strange, unspoken pressure/hope/rooting from other people for him to be a girl. A lot of people said, “I know this is a girl” and when I did announce that he was a boy, people even said, “don’t worry, baby number three will be a girl.”

My friends aren’t saying this to be rude. And there may always be a place in my heart that I have reserved for a daughter. But if I have four boys someday, I will be happy. And maybe I will even be spoiled by them someday?

I know that if I don’t ever have a daughter, my life will still be complete and wonderful and full of happiness.

I read this article and felt like someone finally got my thoughts out there.

I adore my family and I adore my boys. The sweetness mixed with the hilarity can’t be matched and that has nothing to do with them being boys. It’s just because of who they are and who they’re growing up to become.

I’ve said before that I want what my own mom and I have with a daughter someday. And I may always want that if I don’t have a daughter. And if I never get to use my girl name that’s on reserve, I’ll just buy a fish and give it the name!

Kidding.

Maybe.

I often feel the need to shout from the rooftops about how wonderful boys are. I know that prom planning, wedding planning and grandbaby planning won’t be as much fun without a daughter to keep me in the loop and gab with on the phone for hours, but believe me. I am counting my blessings. My precious guys are everything I have prayed for my whole life and never knew it.

Tonight, we were playing hide and seek in the house with my mom and Hudson. My wild boy was having the absolute best time. The smile on his face as he ran through the house just made my heart explode. And later in the evening, when he had calmed down some, he was sitting in my lap and we were singing songs. He accidentally hit me in the face and I pretended to cry. (I know, that’s kind of mean.) But he immediately said, “What’s the matter, Mommy? I’m sorry, Mommy.” Gah. My heart.

Are there any other boy moms who have felt this way? Has anyone ever looked at you and laughed because you have all boys? (If not, consider yourself lucky) We can even discuss the annoying boy clothes that mostly look like teenage boy clothes or a costume. What’s with all the writing on everything?

I was talking to my friend, Molly, the other day and I have decided that if there is a baby number three, I’d really like to not find out the sex before he or she is born. It’s truly the last real surprise! I think it would be so much fun.

Thanks for letting me get this off my chest.

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Comments

  1. I couldn’t agree with you more! After 18 months and 2 IVF’s to get pregnant we were just trilled to be pregnant with a healthy baby. Yes, I thought it was a girl. But I think it was mainly because I had no idea what to do with little boys. And my mom and I are so close I could just imagine my daughter and I talking about her wedding, etc. And then. We found out it was a boy. And I’m not proud to say it, but that night I cried. Not from disappointment but more from just being scared. Haha. Now our baby boy is 10 months old and I thank the Lord all the time for giving me what my heart always needed but didn’t know it…a Momma’s boy. I can’t imagine my life any other way! And now that he’s getting older we have people ask us “When are going to try for a GIRL?!?” Which really annoys me. Because I would be thrilled just to be able to get pregnant again. Girl or Boy. Seriously, we would just want the baby to be healthy. Why is the “perfect family” one of each? I’d love to have a daughter some day, but my family is already perfect to me!

  2. This article just made me blubber like a baby :) I LOVE IT, I am a first time mom to the best baby BOY around ( I know I’m biased but he’s all mine and I can be ). My son looks just like his Daddy and I love it. It took us 6 long years to get to be parents (hope we don’t screw it up) so we are cherishing each moment with our little boy. Boy or Girl the next go around (if there is one or more) we will love every one. I secretly want all little boys but I know my husband wants a Daddys little girl and who can blame him?
    You are now on my favorites list- can’t wait to read some more of your blog and so glad a friend shared with me.

  3. Not finding out the gender is the best! That’s what we did with our baby (girl) this summer. Personally, I work in a high risk OB office and see horrible horrible things all the time (babies missing limbs, facial clefts, absent brains, a perfect normal baby who all of a sudden at 32 weeks developed a brain tumor …she lived for 24 hours after delivery, etc). So I agree- count your blessings!!!! Healthy, happy babies of any gender are truly miraculous!

  4. I was so overwhelmed the day we found out the sex of our baby. That one moment would set the tone and dynamic for the rest of my life. How could I not get overwhelmed?!? Would I be buying Barbies and carpooling to dance class? Or, would I be bandaging cut knees and watching football practice…neither of which I knew anything about? I went through the same “let it sink in” period when I found out I was having a boy. I felt so guilty when my husband looked over at me during the ultrasound and asked if I was “okay”. Of course, I was okay! But, I must admit that I was in shock….and a little scared. I think that I am just such a girly girl that I was afraid I wouldn’t know how to connect with a little boy. But, Jack is just what I needed to round me out! God gives us all what we need. I, too, long for a bond with a daughter like I have with my mom. And, of course, nobody would enjoy showering a little girl with all the frills more than me. I think that is why so many people also said the, “Next time you’ll get a girl” comments to me. I don’t think they were/are trying to be rude. I know they just know me well enough to know that I would enjoy having a daughter. But, I am so very thankful for the dear little boy that I have. He has melted my heart and has taught me so much about myself! Now I can’t imagine life without my sweet BOY! This girly girl would be happy to have a house full of boys like you!

  5. I just wanted to chime in and say that my MIL has 3 sons~all wonderful husbands who are fathers to 6 great children….She has viewed her 3 DIL’s as the “daughters” she never had….and I have viewed her as the mom I never had…My parents divorced when I was young and my mom disappeared from my life…so my MIl filled that role graciously and without ever pushing as I graduated from college, planned our wedding, went thru 2 pregnancies, 5 moves and helped in raising my two wonderful children….so if you are the mom to boys, please view it as the most honorable of all chosen gifts….you are raising your sons to be wonderful husbands and fathers to all our daughter and hopefully you will be getting your “daughters” a little later in life like my MIL. Please don’t feel you are missing out on the good stuff….you are just getting to experience a complete and full life.

  6. Loved this post! It is so funny because I *REALLY* wanted a boy. I wish for ALL boys.. I don’t know why but I just love the idea of a bunch of boys. Of coarse, now that I am a mom I can appreciate fully the hope of a healthy baby and not worry about the sex and will be happy with anything God blesses me with, But I am SO happy peebs was a boy and I love all his boy antics.. the throwing, smashing, grunting, …. and I love all my boy moms on twitter and blogs because it is so fun to see what they are into and what they like. You are a great boy momma and great boy mom inspiration!

  7. I love this! I am a boy mom who gets the same wild comments.

    We are going for a third and would love to have a girl but deep down in my heart of hearts. I do not care what the sex is. A baby is a baby, a child from Christ, the greatest gift a mother can receive. I love my boy and am enjoying life as a boy mom.

    The comments annoy my husband and I so much that we have decided not to find out the sex of the baby when we become pregnant again. (I hope I can make it!)

  8. I don’t have children (yet), but I think you are a great boy mom! You’re little boys are so cute and smart! And as far as not having girls, my fiance’s mom is a ‘boy mom’ and honestly she is getting to enjoy some ‘girly’ things now. I’m trying to include her in wedding planning as much as possible, etc. So once your little boys grow up and bring wonderful girls into your life, you’ll get to enjoy them…without all the expenses that come with them! :) Haha

  9. Thanks for the great post. My son is now 10 months old and we decided not to find out the sex before he was born. Even though we didn’t know what we were having, I never really thought that the baby would be a boy. I just always thought it would be a girl. Once he arrived, I remember saying to my husband for several days, what am I going to do with a boy? I don’t know anything about boys. Its been a trial by fire for sure but I’m learning every day about the joys of boyhood.

  10. Sigh…I hear ya.

    Loud and clear.

    I have three sons, and we feel our family is complete.

    I only mourn the loss of a daughter every so-often, as I think about the adult relationship with my own mother that is so important.

    My middle son has Down syndrome and will most likely always live with my husband and me. But that’s okay. Sometimes I wish none of them would ever leave.

    And then there are days I want to get in my minivan and drive away just to be able to pee by myself.

    But I suppose that would not change if I had girls. :)

  11. I found myself nodding the whole time i was reading your post. i always dreamed of having a girl and was somehow not even aware that my baby could be a boy. all babies are girls right?! weird, i know. well, i was a little freaked out when i found out i was having a boy. and now i’m a boy mom, and i can honestly say God knew what He was doing. he gave me more than i even knew to ask for when he gave me my little blue eyed guy. if i’d had a girl, i may have tried to force her into a mold, an image of this mother-daughter relationship i’d craved. being a mama is about making me more holy. it’s not about what i want or my fulfillment. i am fulfilled in Christ alone. but being a mama is part of my purpose. and the world needs Godly men and leaders. and as a bonus, God showed me how much boys can melt a mama’s heart. i wouldn’t want him to be anyone but him, and i am so so proud to be a boy mom! and yes. where are all the sweet, simple boy clothes?! all boys aren’t rockstars who like dirt. ditch the crazy cartoon printed tees, and give us boy mamas some cute options that aren’t 10000 bucks at a boutique. simple, sweet girls stuff at target? check. the boys section? looks like a circus!

  12. I just now read this and as a Mom of one boy (so far) I can totally relate to loving being a boy Mom and not expecting to love it as much as I do. I had a gut feeling early on that we would have a boy (hubby is one of 4 brothers and only 1 girl) because it runs in the family. I genuinly love all the boy toys and clothes so much. I love the dark, rich colors of the winter clothes and the bright blues and oranges of the summer ones. I think my favorite color is now orange thanks to all the boy stuff around me. LOL I sometimes think of all the things I’ll miss out on (maybe?!) by having a boy and not a girl but I love seeing my son and my husband’s close relationship too. I am so excited that my hubby will have a son to be close to just like he is close to his own father.

  13. I love this post. I have 4 boys so I can definitely relate. I admit, I was kind of freaked out when I found out my first was a boy. But once he was born I found out how amazing sons are. I didn’t feel sad at all with the others because I knew I’d love them like crazy. And I do. They’re awesome.

    Your boys are adorable. I love, love, love boy moms!

  14. This is so funny for me because there must be pressure on both sides of the gender camps. My sister-in-law just gave birth to their third baby girl. SO so many people kept saying how bad they felt that they didn’t have a boy. It’s so crazy. Don’t they realize that God picks? Good post!

  15. i have been dealing with these same feelings over the last few months. we are having our 3rd boy and i’m seriously okay with it at this point. i keep telling people that God just really wants me to learn patience!! also, i’ve begun thinking that even if i never have a daughter, i know i will be blessed to call my daughters in law mine. i have been so blessed by my own mother in law and i’m just praying now that someday i will get to have that same kind of special relationship with a “daughter” – even if she isn’t biologically mine :) thanks for sharing!

  16. Kristie says:

    Erin,
    I just read your post…it caught my eye when I found your website. I just thought I would share some sweet thoughts about being the mother of two boys. I have two precious sons who are now 19 and 21! It seems like they should still be little boys, but here they are…off in college! When my husband and I got pregnant with our first child, we had our first ultrasound and I was thrilled to see that little figure on the screen! Being the frilly girl that I am, my husband looked over at me and said, “Are you okay?” – but no tears!!
    I saw my strong healthy first-born “older brother to future siblings” that I had always wanted. When I got pregnant just 15 months later, we found out at the same time, that my husband had Hodgkins’ disease. I remember thinking how blessed we were to have a sibling for our little boy. I guess I still wanted four babies wishfully at that time. (Two boys and two girls, of course! :) So two healthy children under our circumstances, seemed a miraculous blessing at that point in time, and all my thoughts became about just keeping out little family healthy and getting my husband well again!! When we went to our ultrasound a few months later and found out that we were having boy number two, my husband knew better than to ask if I was disappointed…he simply said, “I’m so happy that you will have two sons to take care of you all of your life!” Of course, I cried tears of joy and realized what a blessing that is…there is no love so dear nor so protective as that between boys and their mother! Our boys were sweet and active playmates from the beginning, and they are very close friends now. I recently told my sons that their relationship is one that only two brothers can understand. They share a bond that is different than a brother and sister, maybe not sweeter, but special and strong! We never had any more children, but God has been so very kind to us, to allow us to watch our sweet boys grow to become young men! Now we have some sweet girlfriends who visit our sons and keep me company in the kitchen. It’s all good! Enjoy your sweet little boys and never allow anyone to steal your joy! Boys are a blessing and children are all gifts from God!

  17. Thank you thank you thank you for this post! I know its old, but I’m just getting around here so sorry! I am a mom of two boys. I have the perfect girls name picked out, but no girl. I struggled with this for a long long time. We had a tough time getting and staying prego with my two boys and are all done with that stage in life. I feel very blessed that God has entrusted these two to me. But I am very close to my mom and sister and still sometimes feel that void, especially looking into the future. I am definitely cut out for Legos, sword fights and camping in the backyard. God knew exactly what he was doing here. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I have fought calling myself a “boy mom” for a long time. Just had a hard time giving up that dream and the baby stage. I am very thankful for my two boys. I love every minute with them. Besides, now I can focus on praying for their future wives and that they will be believers and awesome fun people who may just want to be friends too!
    Paige recently posted..Heart at RestMy Profile

  18. just stumbled upon your blog and this post…I feel like you wrote from MY heart! :) When I was pregnant with my first boy (who will be 2 in a month) I thought “what in the world do you do with boys?!?!” Now I have a second little boy (3 months) and I’m not sure I’d know what to do with a girl now! :) Boys are such a blessing and such fun little people! I too had people hoping that both of my pregnancies would be girls, but I am SO fulfilled with being a boy mom! I look forward to continuing to follow your blog!

  19. I just discovered your blog and have been reading all your “boy mom” posts. I love them! And this post hits home like no other. I have a son too and couldn’t imagine it any other way. I’d love to have 3 boys one day, but if not, who cares? A healthy baby is all that matters :) Thanks for sharing this! xo
    Chanel van Reenen recently posted..Five Things FridayMy Profile

  20. Love this post! Just found your blog and I love it!

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  2. [...] 4 of a Kind by The Tiny Twig and {Our Adoption} Boy or Girl? by House of Rose (These are two very positive, content posts about being a boy mom. And y’all know how I love being a boy mom.) [...]

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