Last week, I was feeling anxious and frankly just a little bit blue. I wasn’t totally sure why. There was a small feeling of boredom, yet I was busy. But when the boys would nap I would feel overwhelmingly anxious and restless.
I wasn’t sure if it was a sign that I wanted to go back to work. When I stopped and really thought about it, I realized that I’m not ready to go back to work. And where would I go if I did?
But I realized that I was feeling down about the way our days were going. Butting heads. Stressing about Hayes’s speech and spending lots of time working with him. Getting screamed at by a toddler and an hour later watching him sleep and crying silent tears because I just love him so much.
I frequently hear this Steven Curtis Chapman song when we’re heading to school in the mornings and it always speaks to me. Mainly the first verse. It reminds me of my life.
My life isn’t glamorous, but I happen to love it. Even when I don’t always appreciate it, I do love it. I look like a wreck most of the time, but I don’t really care. There are times when I think, “is this significant?” I’m spending my day correcting and disciplining and cleaning and cleaning again and taking deep breaths and counting to 10. And then I’m also cuddling and reading and rocking and feeding and tickling and chasing and laughing and bathing and wrestling and giggling.
There’s just one thing I have to remember to maintain focus and perspective.
I’m doing all of this for His glory. It’s not about me. None of it is. Sometimes that just plain sucks. But it’s for God’s glory and it’s for my kids. And if I can keep that in my heart and mind every single day (maybe not every second of every day), I can refocus and regroup.
I need to see myself the way He sees me. And I need to see my kids the way He sees them. I have an amazing opportunity to do great things and make an impact on their little lives. It’s a big responsibility and sometimes it just overwhelms me, but I can only do the best that I can do.
So moms, listen to the song and take a look at the lyrics that really touched my heart this week.
You’re picking up toys on the living room floor for the 15th time today
Matching up socks
Sweeping up lost cheerios that got away
You put a baby on your hip
Color on your lips and head out the door
While I may not know you,
I bet I know you
Wonder sometimes, does it matter at all?
Well let me remind you, it all matters just as long
As you do everything you do to the glory of the One who made you,
Cause he made you,
Every little thing that you do
To bring a smile to His face
Tell the story of grace
With every move that you make
And every little thing you do
(from Steven Curtis Chapman’s “Do Everything”)