This is one of those posts that I don’t know how to write. I was trying to tell a friend the other day that it feels weird to not write about certain things because it makes me feel like I’m leaving something out of our story. And that’s what this blog is.
But I also don’t want to use my words and my space to be negative.
So over the post few weeks (and months, really) I’ve pouted a good bit, prayed a lot, and done my very best to just see the Lord’s plan in all of this disorder.
It was bittersweet. And we never imagined that it take us a few months to decide to build a house, and then take us a while to even get started on the process.
But since we left our home, I’ve been fighting and trying to overcome this dry feeling. I’ve just felt uninspired. And almost limited.
2013 is already flying by, but in many ways it can feel like we’re just living in limbo. We’re dangling in this place in the in-between where we’re tip toeing around and trying to get settled in Todd’s grandmother’s house. We’re trying to make ourselves at home while being respectful of her space.
When I found out I was pregnant, I was so excited. I thought, “This sweet little blessing was God’s plan for us, and this is that big sign of hope that all of this uncertainty will sort itself out soon.”
The pregnancy did give us the nudge that we needed to commit to building a house. But we were heartbroken just a few days later when I began to miscarry.
Today, at Bible study, someone spoke a very powerful piece of TRUTH into me when she said (not directly to me, but it felt that way),
“Stop waiting for Jesus to do something spectacular, and just focus on the joy that can be found in the every day and the ordinary.”
It may be 2014 before we find ourselves settled into a home. It may be 2014 before we decide that we’re ready to try for another baby.
The joy is happening all around me every single day.
And my hope is not to be found in anything of this world. It’s in Jesus Christ alone. And He fills me up with joy. He has blessed us with a beautiful family and a warm, comfortable home that we share with family.
It’s a daily decision for me to choose to be joyful in the midst of the heart ache and displacement. It’s clear that I have been just waiting on something spectacular to happen to perk us up a bit. And it’s not likely that it will happen that way. My fulfillment and hope can only come from One place if I hope for it to sustain me.